Don’t Let Your Expectations about Your Partner & Relationship Harm You Just Before the Holidays!

EXPECTATIONS ABOUT PARTNERS AND RELATIONSHIPS

We all have expectations about partners and relationships, and this is natural. However, if you hold on to unrealistic expectations hoping that they will be fulfilled, you are likely to harm your relationships. Becoming aware of your expectations and the way they influence your reactions and behaviors enables you to develop better relationships.

EXPECTING THAT “ALL YOUR DREAMS WILL COME TRUE” IS A RECEIPT FOR FAILURE

Suppose that you’ve finally found a partner and entered a relationship. You expect the world! At the beginning all flies smoothly – it can’t be better! But then, “out-of-the-blue”, conflicts and arguments arise; disagreements flourish, and after hours and days of discussions, explanations, promises and trying, the relationship ends and you wonder: what has happened - again?

WHEN EXPECTATONS TURN INTO COMPLAINTS

Have you ever moved in together with a partner, telling yourself that you’ll never part, that your love would overcome all conflict that might arise between you, only to find yourself, a few months later, complaining that your partner isn’t home enough; isn’t there for you the way you “need” him/her to be; that he/she is treating his/her friends as if they’re more important than you and that he/she no longer loves you the way he/she used to?

HANGING ON TO UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS HARMS THE RELATIONSHIP

If these were your expectations as you moved in together, and now you’re disappointed, you may want to check whether your expectations about relationships are realistic or tend to be somewhat unreasonable.

Expecting, for example, if you expect your partner to be with you “as much time as possible” and you don’t accept that he/she has a life and friends of his/her own; and if every time your partner leaves the house to meet his/her friends or for other reasons you feel betrayed, saying to yourself that this is not the way true love is supposed to be, what does it say about YOU? Does it indicate that you’re a jealous person?

You might find it difficult to accept that reality is different from your expectations, and might tend to pressure your partner to fulfill them. This might be harmful and alienate him/her. As long as you are unaware of this situation, you might tend to accuse your partner of being the one causing the alienation. Your partner might feel that you place too many demands on him/her. This might lead to constant arguments between you two or to the eventual end of the relationship.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

* Think about your expectations;

* Ask yourself if they are realistic, or whether they’re too extreme or unreasonable;

* Notice (pay attention to) how they control your reactions and behaviors in the relationship;

* Ask yourself if your partner – present or future one – might be experiencing your expectations as demands;

* Ask yourself what you can do to not let your expectations sabotage your relationships.

With Christmas and New Year approaching, make sure you don’t let your expectations stand in your way from a nice, warm, happy holiday.