Drive: Can Someone Unknowingly Be Driven By Their Unmet Developmental Need To Be Loved?

In today’s world, if someone is highly driven, they can be seen as having high self-esteem and as an example of how to live. They are then going to have it together and be a well-adjusted human being.

Thanks to how driven they are, they might have made a lot of progress in at least one area of their life. If so, they can be seen as ‘successful’ by a number of people and this will allow them to receive a fair amount of positive feedback.

No Time to Be

When it comes to how they live each day of their life, they could practically always be on the go. From the moment they wake up until the moment they go to sleep, then, they will typically be in doing mode.

And, even if they do take a step back from doing something and just be, they could soon feel agitated. Their mind could end up being consumed by what they need to do before the end of the day or a certain part of the day.

No Different

If they were to go on holiday, it might not be much different either with them having the need to do things. For example, this could be a time when they end up listening to audiobooks or podcasts or going from one activity to another.

If they were to just sit back or use a spa, for instance, once again, they could soon feel agitated, with their mind coming up with all the things that they should be doing. What might allow them to let go and settle down is if they were to drink alcohol.

Force

But, even if this was to work, they won’t truly be in a relaxed state. What is really going on for them would be covered up, while a small part of them would be able to feel settled.

This is then similar to what happens if someone takes a local anaesthetic before a minor operation; part of them won’t feel anything, whilst another part of them will. Ultimately, due to how fired up they are, their whole being wont truly be able to settle down.

Too Much

A time might arrive, though, when they are unable to continue to behave in the same way. This could be something that takes place towards the end of their life or it could happen before then.

Irrespective of when it happens, it could be because they have become unwell or are simply exhausted. They will have been taken out but they could resist what is going on and try to go back to how they were.

A Battle

After resisting what is taking place for a little while, they could end up being forced to surrender. It is at this point that they could wonder why they have been so driven and haven’t been able to truly relax.

If this is how they have been for as long as they can remember, it might show that they have been trying to receive the love that they missed out on as a child. Hoverer, it might appear as though love has got absolutely nothing to do with how driven they are.

One experience

If it was out forward to them that this is why they are so driven, they could dismiss it straight away. They could say that they are not interested in being loved and that they just want to be as successful as they can be.

On one level, this might be the case, but at a deeper level, what is likely to be fuelling them is their unmet developmental need to be loved by their parents. Therefore, this need won’t have made it through to their conscious awareness yet it will still be exerting a big influence on their life.

A Defence

With this in mind, their compulsive need to do and achieve things will serve at least two purposes. First, it will be a way for them to try to receive what they missed out on very early on, and second, it will be a way for them to unconsciously stop how they felt all those years ago from entering their conscious awareness.

So, assuming that they have been trying to receive the love that they missed out on during their formative years, this is likely to have been a time when they were deeply deprived. They might have been physically harmed, verbally put down and/or neglected.

Redirected

Regardless of what happened, their need to be loved wouldn’t have been met and this would have greatly wounded them. This need, along with the pain they experienced, wouldn’t have disappeared, though; it would have been repressed and rechanneled.

The outcome of this is that they would have turned into a human doing that had the need to achieve things in order to finally be loved. The trouble is that as this stage of their life is over, the time for them to be loved by their parents is also over.

A waste of Time

This is why, no matter what they achieve and how much approval they receive from others, it won’t fill in the hole inside them. For them to end their struggle for a type of love that can no longer be provided, they will most likely need to face the pain that they experienced at this stage of their life and experience their unmet developmental needs.

This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.