Early Deprivation: Can A Man Be Emotionally Dependent On A Woman If His Mother Was Emotionally Unavailable?

If a man doesn’t have a woman in his life that he is seeing or in a relationship with, he may feel as though he is missing something. As a result of this, he can feel a strong need to be with a woman.

He can believe, for instance, that he is meant to be with a woman, and this is why he doesn’t feel good when he is single. He might even believe that men and women are incomplete unless they are in a relationship.

The Next Stage

After a number of weeks or months have passed, he can be dating a woman, and this is likely to be a time when he will no longer feel empty. If he were able to describe how he feels, he could say that he feels secure, as though he belongs, valuable and loved.

Irrespective of whether he can describe what is going on for him, it will be as if he were out in the cold at one point and now he is in the warm. However, it might not be long until his time with this woman comes to an end.

One Scenario

The reason for this is that he could come across as very needy, and the women could feel smothered. Instead of being in a relationship with a man, she could feel as though she were in a relationship with a boy.

Another part of this is that he could be very easy-going and do what he can to please her, which can cause her to gradually lose interest in him. If she does cut her ties with him, he could end up in a very bad way.

Rock Bottom

Assuming that this takes place, he could feel very low, and he might even think about ending his life. What might enter his mind is that he needs to find another woman to be with, and then he will feel better.

Alte
atively, he could talk to a trusted family member or friend about what is going on for him. During this time, they could say that the breakup has had a big impact on him, and they could ask him if this is the first time he has been in this position.

A Closer Look

If they do, he could look back on his life and see that this is how he usually feels when he has experienced a breakup. After speaking about what he usually experiences after a breakup, the person he is talking to could encourage him to explore what it was like for him during his formative years.

They could say that, by doing this, he will probably be able to understand why he feels that he is missing something when he is single. This is because this stage of his life would have largely defined how emotionally developed he would be as an adult.

Back In Time

So, as he feels that he is missing something, it can show that although he experienced a physical birth, he didn’t experience an emotional birth. If this were the case, practically from the moment that he was born, he would have missed out on the attunement and care that he needed.

What he needed at this stage of his life, to grow and develop in the right way, was an attuned and caring mother. But, as his mother wasn’t like this, it would have been normal for him to not be seen and heard, rejected and left.

A Big Impact

Due to this, he wouldn’t have felt as though he belonged, secure, wanted, valued or loved. He would have felt as though he didn’t belong, insecure, unwanted, worthless and unloved.

To handle not having his developmental needs consistently met and the pain this caused him, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs. This would have also involved losing touch with his connected true self and creating a disconnected false self.

A natural outcome

Most likely, his mother had been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during her formative years and hadn’t experienced an emotional birth either. As a result of this, she wasn’t able to provide him with what he needed.

Anyway, this stage of his life will be over, but, as he will be in an emotionally stunted state, a big part of him will see a woman as his mother. It is for this reason that he will feel whole and complete when he is with a woman.

It’s too late

He will unconsciously project the mother that he needed into a woman and will feel similar to how he would feel if he had received what he needed all those years ago. But as this stage of his life is over and a woman is not his mother, it is too late for him to receive what he missed out on.

This is why the sense of wholeness that he experiences when he is with a woman won’t last. For him to emotionally grow up and experience an emotional birth, he will have pain to face and process and unmet developmental needs to experience

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.