Early Deprivation: Can Someone Be Developmentally Stunted If They Had A Narcissistic Mother?

If someone were to step back and reflect on how they experience life, what they might find is that they don’t have a strong sense of self. So, instead of feeling like a strong and capable adult who can direct their life, they can feel like a weak and incapable child who needs others to direct their life.

What might soon stand out is that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. Subsequently, they are not going to freely express themselves, and their life is unlikely to be very fulfilling.

A Half-Life

They are then going to be a separate human being who has their own needs and feelings, but they won’t act like one. Based on how they typically behave, it will be as if they are merely an extension of others.

However, are they will feel weak and incapable, it is to be expected that they would behave in this way. They will be like a leaf that is being blown around by the wind; they won’t have any control.

Another Element

Additionally, if they were to think about how they want their life to be, their mind could go blank. Thus, they could find that, apart from their basic needs, they are not aware of their needs, wants, or preferences.

Yet, if they were to think about their friends’ or partners' needs - that’s if they have one - they could soon know. If so, they will have a greater understanding of what is going on for others than they will of what is going on for themselves.

Out of Balance

When they are around others, they might automatically tune into their needs and do what they can to meet them. Most, if not all, of the people in their life might expect them to be this way and could even react negatively if they were to change their behaviour.

If they are in a relationship, their partner could be very self-centred and act as if they are there to meet their needs. Thanks to what most of their relationships are likely to be like, they are going to give a lot while receiving very little in return.

Not seen or heard

The outcome of this is that they are likely to spend a lot of time feeling resentful and drained. Along with this, they can often feel invisible and as though other people don’t actually see them.

It can be as if most of the people in their life are not interested in who they are; they are only interested in what they can do for them. Consequently, they can spend a lot of time feeling frustrated, worthless and lonely.

A New Reality

After thinking about what their life is like, they can wonder why their life is this way. What might enter their mind is that there is something inherently wrong with them.

But, even if they were to come to this conclusion, this is unlikely to be the case. In all likelihood, what took place during their formative years and the impact it had on them is likely to be why they are this way.

Back In Time

This may have been a stage of their life when they were brought up by a mother who was emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Moreover, she might have seen them as nothing more than an object that existed to meet her needs.

As a result, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to attach to her or receive the emotional nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. They would then have experienced a physical birth, but they wouldn’t have experienced an emotional birth.

A Rough Time

For this to have occurred, they needed an attuned and caring mother. Instead, they had a mother who gave them what they needed to survive, but not what they needed to go through each development stage and develop a strong sense of self.

This would have caused them to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded. To handle what took place, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs.

An Adaption

This would have also involved them gradually losing touch with their connected and feeling, true self and developing a disconnected, unfeeling and outer-directed, false self. This false self would have been a way for them to both survive living in an emotionally barren environment and a way for them to try to be loved.

They would have been forced to become attentive, selfless and highly responsible, while their true self would have stayed in a developmentally stunted state. How they behave as an adult, then, will be a continuation of how it was for them during their early years.

Moving Forward

What this illustrates is that they missed out on the love that they needed to go from being emotionally dependent to emotionally interdependent. There is then nothing inherently wrong with them.

Most likely, their mother had also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during her formative years and wasn’t able to provide them with what they needed. For them to gradually change their life, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this, they may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.