Emotional Preparation During Pregnancy to Become a Mother

There are thousands of articles about the physical preparation that a healthy pregnancy requires and very few about the psychological aspects of it. I titled this article “How to emotionally prepare for motherhood” because the psychological changes that start before your become pregnant do not end at birth. Glade B. Curtis, M.D.,OB/GYN & Judith Schuler, M.S. in their book Pregnancy Week by Week, suggests that “pregnancy is not a 9 months deal but should last at least 12 because it takes at least that time for our bodies to adjust and, even longer for our minds to be ready.” It is important to remember that pregnancy is a period of transition. It is a period when we will be laying the foundation for 1) a healthy child’s development, 2) a healthy mother’s adjustment, and 3) a strong relationship between mother and child.

As important as it is that we take care of our bodies during and even before pregnancy, it is crucial that we take certain steps in order to be at our best psychologically during pregnancy and after child birth. Here some main considerations:

• Redefine yourself to include the role of motherhood in your life. Every person’s identity is formed by the various roles that they perform in the world. Becoming a mother is one more such role and it has psychological implications. What does it mean for you to be a mother? What is the value for you, your family, to society? Is this role more or less important than other roles you currently play in your life? Does it create a conflict within you and/or with others in your life?

• Research shows more and more the importance of the mother-child relationship on the healthy development of a person. It is not a matter of simply providing room and board. Susan Johnson’s, Ph.D., founder of Emotionally Focus Therapy (EFT) for couples, in her latest book (2008) “Hold Me Tight,” explains in detail how the need to connect to another human being (in this case to the caretaker) is innate to all of us; as much as the need to eat and be dressed. Becoming a parent is about being emotionally present and connected to your child. Consider a prenatal class to learn about bonding techniques to enhance the relationship with your baby.

• Assess your partnership. The thought of a baby solving the problems in an old marriage myth that thousands of couples prove false each year. If you and your partner are currently experiencing problems, put your communications skills to work. Develop or maintain a healthy relationship and look to prevent problems in the future. Do not expect the baby to make a miracle. In addition, there will be stressful moments for sure and you both will need to have a solid foundation of trust and communication with each other to make it through successfully. Take Dr. Gayles Peterson’s test, expert on making healthy families, to find out if your marriage is baby-ready at http://www.askdrgayle.com/html/quiz5.html. Consider seeking the support of a therapist to work out problems before pregnancy.

• Try to maintain a healthy mental state. Remember that you are not sick but your whole self is experiencing a transition so do not wait for things to be exactly as they were before pregnancy. Accept change, and avoid becoming frustrated. Be prepared for things to be different and you will deal with change easier. Remember, a positive attitude will be your best ally.

• Expect mood swings. Nearly all pregnant women are prone to emotional ups and downs due to the rapid production of hormones. Accept that you will feel down from time to time and do not fight it. It is perfectly normal. However, keep you eyes open on inadequate hormone production, especially estrogen (low levels produce more depression, fatigue and lethargy) and progesterone (more irritation, anxiety, and edgy).

• Use all resources around you; do not try to do it alone. Rely on family, friends, your husband and practice stress management techniques. A survey conducted by the baby charity Tommy's in the UK discovered that 9 in every 10 expectant “mums” are stressed, so find ways to reduce it. This is not the time to be a superwoman and if you don’t ask for help you will end up exhausted and overwhelmed. Some people want to help, but are timid to intervene. Let’s be clear about when and how they can help us.

• Prevent mental health complications. Pregnancy is a time when our past comes back to hunt us. Relationships issues, fears, and the way we deal with life and crisis will surface. The relationship with your own mother, confidence in yourself, trust in others to be there for you etc are some of the main issues that pregnant women deal with, regardless of them being aware or not. If you find yourself overly stressed, often depressed, or if you’ve had a history of depression or mental problems, be aware of it and do not hesitate to ask for help. If you suffer(ed) from low self-esteem, eating disorders, or have body image problems, pregnancy can be a very vulnerable time. A new survey in London has revealed that one in every 50 pregnant women develops an eating disorder. Your image of yourself while you are pregnant is very important. Women with a good self-esteem tend to feel good when pregnant and women with low self-esteem may experience complications. Keep in mind that it is ok to consult with a specialist if you need it.

• Learn how to baby-proof your marriage. In other words, how to become a mom without giving up being a wife. Remember that while you are incorporating one more role in your life it is important that you do not drop the others completely. The journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that having a baby impacts a marriage in ways new parents never anticipated. Research done by the Bringing Baby Home Program shows that relationship satisfaction decreased up to 67 percent for new parents. Many couples and men complain that after the birth of a baby, the mother has no more time or energy for them or the relationship. Even the most capable man still needs you and your relationship too. Remember that both roles are important and that one the biggest gift you can give to your child is a strong and healthy marriage.

• Plan and balance your new life. Trying to develop a new and balanced lifestyle that takes into consideration all areas of your life. Again remember that even though being a mother is the main priority, especially at the beginning, you will do better if you dedicate some time to take care of your self, your relationship, and come back to the child. Too much of a good thing is not good. So add variety to you, your family and your baby’s life.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Good luck with the new born!