F. E. A. R. (Today’s Letter to Me 5 Years Ago)

Almost every day for the past 6 ½ years I have read the page of the day in one or more of the Alanon Daily books and I would journal my thoughts about that page. Today I read the page of the day about fear and looked back in my prior jou
als. What I wrote on the same day 5 years ago was “I did say something about how I feel to someone and they are displeased. My old fears are taking over. I imagine being alone for the rest of my life and I panic. I do or say something in order to put a bandaid over the situation”. I continue in my journal to talk about how I felt that I had a fear of not being in control. What I learned then in Alanon was that fear was just

“False Evidence Appearing Real”

But the amazing thing that I realized today while I looked back at that page I wrote 5 years ago is that I am now living in the future that I had only dreamt about back then. I felt the urge to write a letter to myself 5 years ago from the wiser self of today and tell her that it’s going to be ok. So here is what I would tell her:

Dear Dawn (in 2005),
I completely understand why you are conce
ed but just keep going to Alanon meetings, keep talking openly and honestly to your sponsor because she will be your life line to sanity, keep reading Alanon daily pages and jou
aling your thoughts, keep talking to your therapist, keep applying every tool you learn in Alanon to every single area of your life because it will literally change your life for the better. Keep trusting that you have a Higher Power that is with you, guiding you and believe that there is an amazing plan for your life.

You are exactly where you need to be, experiencing what you need to experience (good and bad) and you already have the tools to live in peace and serenity. When given a choice, always choose fun. Keep gratitude as your daily companion and when you’re at your lowest point, borrow the faith of others by listening to their experience, strength and hope.

You’re going to be so happy in 5 years…….don’t worry.

Love,
Dawn (in 2010)

• What are you fearful of today? How does it compare to what you were fearful of in the past?
• How did being fearful in the past help the situation?
• If you could write a letter to your past self, what would you tell him/her about their fears?