Faith

I have been searching in the last month or so, for the threads that make up the essence of this weaving called Jean. By now I'm sure that many of you have read something about the powerful new energy that was opened up (or further opened up) on 9-9-09. There have been various explanations - reclaiming the angelic higher self, New Earth activations, Divine light coming in - all of which have something to do with Love, Compassion, Peace and living our lives more in line with these energies.

With this opening comes the inexorable pull to the "new", and how we must be co-creators in our lives, and in the way we wish this New Earth to look. With the entry of a tremendous amount of light such as that with which we were graced in September, comes the illumination of those places where we still need to release - old patterns, old fears, old ways of being that do not support or feed our soul's purpose here. That purpose being to own our unique way of creating, loving and expressing our own aspect of Great Mystery.

I bring this up because I have been dealing with the appearance or reappearance of one or two of my own fears in the last few weeks. Something unexpected, which I have done an immense amount of work to release. There it was, front and center with a new piece of understanding revealing itself. My first thought was: "Really? This again?" Then a dear friend, going into it with me, saw what I could not, and assisted me to release it yet again. She said something stunning to me. "You are going to have to feel your way out of this one."

This is something I "should" know. Allowing my heart to stay open as the pain of an experience flows through it and out. It is something that plant medicine and the Peruvian mesa tradition teaches over and over - there is no way out but through. And as you go through, feeling is the essential thing. Here I am learning it again at a new and different level.

I am tired. I have lost my way somewhat, and I know in my heart that this is where faith comes in. This is where the real work begins, of just sitting in the circle of cornmeal and asking to be shown once again the truth of one's existence - that we are born in light; that joy, and not sorrow, is the natural way of things; and that living this joy is the way to the "New Earth", which is a state of Being as much as anything.

Why am I writing this now? For several reasons. First, it reminds me that as long as we are human, there are choices to be made about how far we will go to find the truth of our existence. The only way to do this is to open our hearts to everything, not just the easy, fun, light-hearted people or experiences. Second, that we are never alone as we go through these fearful places. In addition to our dear friends, there are the traditions and teachers who have presented themselves along the way, and the sweet presence of the wind, the stones, the animals - of Mother Earth herself to assist and guide us. And, of course, our faith, whatever that means to us personally.

Finally, I am telling my story because I have found so much guidance and comfort in hearing the stories of others through the years. How their experiences all have something in common with my own, or something to teach me. Through listening to others' stories comes an understanding of the whole, and our own sacred part in it. I am ever grateful for my community - both virtual, and here in Chicago, and for the continuing ways in which they - you - support me.