Father-Enmeshed Women: What Is A Father-Enmeshed Woman?

It might not matter if a woman is at work, has finished work or is on holiday, as her father might often contact her. Now, if he does ask her how she is doing, he could soon talk about his own problems.

Then again, he might rarely ask her how she is doing and could typically talk about his own problems. And, when she spends time with him, she could largely focus on him, and what is going on for her could be overlooked.

Out of Balance

If this is the case, she is going to be more like her father’s parent than his daughter, and this is naturally going to take a lot out of her. But, due to how normal this is, she might not be consciously aware of what is going on.

As a result of this, she will be giving a lot while receiving very little in return and could spend a lot of time feeling drained and even exhausted. Still, if she is aware of how washed out she often feels, she could believe that it is a consequence of something else.

For Example

So, she could believe that it’s because she has a lot going on at work or that she just doesn’t sleep very well. Conversely, she could believe that she just suffers from depression and was, thus, born this way.

Thanks to this, there is going to be no reason for her to change her behaviour, and her life will continue to go in the same direction. Sooner or later, though, something might happen that changes her outlook.

One Scenario

She could end up dating a guy, and he could tell her that she is too close to her father. When they are together, she could often be messaging and speaking to her father on the phone, and this will cause her to be out of reach and emotionally unavailable.

But, even though it will be clear to the man that she is too caught up with her father, she could end up denying what he says. For example, she could accuse him of having something against her father and as being jealous of how close they are.

One Outcome

Therefore, the man she is dating will be the one who has issues, and it might not be long until they break up. If she were to talk to a friend about what has happened, they could tell her that she did the right thing.

This friend could say that the guy she was with was needy and was trying to separate her from her father. After this, she could go back to how her life was and not reflect on what had just happened.

Another Scenario

Alte
atively, she could end up taking a step back and reflecting on what she has been through. What she might also find is that this is not the first time that she has been with a man who was like this.

Part of her can then wonder if what these men have said was accurate, and that she is too close to her father. Before long, she could think about how she often feels burdened by her father’s needs and as though he doesn’t care about her needs or wellbeing.

An Exercise

At this point, she can think about how she doesn’t want her father to lean on her as much emotionally and to understand that she is not responsible for him. She is then going to want him to understand that she is not an extension of him, as she has her own needs, feelings and life to lead.

If she were to imagine speaking to him about this, she could end up feeling anxious and fearful and guilty and ashamed. Based on how she responds, it will be as if her survival is under threat and she is doing something wrong.

Confusion

It can seem strange why she would have this experience, especially as she is not his possession and has the right to live her own life. But, as confusing as it will be, if she were able to go back in time and observe her early years, it might start to make sense.

During this stage of her life, her father is likely to have looked to her to meet needs that another adult should have met. Instead of looking for validation, support and understanding from another adult, he would have looked to her.

No Choice

This would have meant that she had to lose touch with her own needs and feelings and be there for her father. She would then have lost touch with her connected true self and had to develop a disconnected and outer-directed false self.

If she had expressed her needs, her father might have shown disapproval and even punished her in some way. She would have been sent the message that her needs and feelings were bad and that she was responsible for her father’s needs.

The Reason

She is also likely to have hoped that if she were there for him and did what he wanted, he would be there for her. But, as he is likely to have been caught up in his own needs and unable to provide her with the love that she needed, it probably wouldn’t have mattered who she became or what she did.

This can show that her mother and father were not close, or perhaps they had broken up. Either way, he wouldn’t have been able to accept that she was a separate human being and was not there to meet his needs.

Moving Forward

For her to gradually change her life, she is likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.