Father-Enmeshed Women: Why Would A Father-Enmeshed Woman Find It Hard To Implement Boundaries With Her Father?

If a woman were to step back and reflect on her life, she may find that she spends a lot of time being there for her father and offering her support. She might see that she has been there for him for as long as she can remember.

However, what might now stand out is that although she loves her father and wants to support him, she hasn’t got the desire or the energy to be there for him in the same way. She can see that due to how focused she is on his needs and wellbeing, it is having a negative impact on her own life.

Exte
al Feedback

After thinking about this, she could end up talking to a friend about what is going on for her. Her friend could be very understanding and say that it makes sense that she wouldn’t want to be as caught up in her father’s world.

They could say that, ultimately, she has her own life to lead, and she is not responsible for her father. After hearing this or something similar to it, she could feel supported and understood.

Another Outcome

Alte
atively, she could talk to a friend about what is going on for her, but they might not be very understanding or supportive. They could say that, as he is her father, it is only right that she is there for him.

Along with this, they could say that he won’t live forever and that she will regret not being there for him when he is no longer around. After this, she could feel invalidated and be full of guilt and shame.

One Position

Naturally, if the former takes place, she is going to feel better than if the latter takes place. If the former takes place, it can show that her friend has been in her position and has been able to draw the line with her parent.

On the other hand, if the latter takes place, it can show that her friend is in the same position and is unable to accept that they are out of balance. But, what is clear, regardless of what her friend has said or even if she has spoken to a friend about this, is that she wants to live a life where she is not burdened by her father’s needs.

The Truth

As even though she feels as though it is her responsibility to be there for him when he needs her, this is not the case. If she weren't an autonomous human being who had her own needs and feelings, and life to lead, it would be different.

Nonetheless, if she were to think about talking to her father about this, she could end up feeling very uncomfortable. She could soon feel anxious and as though she is doing something wrong.

The Next Stage

Even so, she could end up speaking to her father about how she feels weighed down by his needs and no longer has the energy to be there for him in the same way. After expressing this, he could be understanding and say that he can see that he expects a lot from her.

He could then be sorry and say that this is not right and that he needs to accept that she has her own life to lead. After this, she could feel relieved and grateful that her father is able to put himself in her shoes.

Another Scenario

Conversely, after feeling uncomfortable about speaking to him about this, she could end up speaking to him. But, as soon as she sees him, she could end up talking about something else.

Or, after she has opened up, he could soon change the subject or dismiss what she says. Either way, it won’t be possible for her to be seen and heard by him and for him to put himself in her shoes.

What’s going on?

After this, she can go back to being there for him and overlooking a number of her own needs. Assuming that she felt uncomfortable before she spoke to her father, couldn’t get through to him and has now gone back to how she was before, she can wonder why she is behaving in this way.

Yet, as confusing as this is, it is likely to be a reflection of what her early years were like. This is likely to have been a stage of her life when she was conditioned to be there for him and abandon herself.

Back In Time

From a very young age, her father is likely to have looked to her to meet a number of his needs. This is likely to show that, deep down, he was unable to see her as a separate human being who had her own needs and feelings and saw her as a parental figure.

It was then not up to him to be there for her; it was up to her to be there for him. In the beginning, when she did express herself, she was likely to have been disapproved of and even punished in some way.

The Outcome

As a result of this, she would have had to lose touch with a number of her needs and feelings. This would have involved her losing touch with her connected true self and forming a disconnected and outer-directed false self.

Furthermore, she would have come to believe that her needs and feelings were bad. In reality, her father was probably in a developmentally stunted state and was unable to provide her with what she needed, in addition to not being emotionally close to her mother, which means that her needs and feelings were not and are not bad.

Moving Forward

With this in mind, for her to be able to freely express herself and draw the line with her father, she is likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.