Father Wounds: Can A Man Be Passive If He Had An Abusive Father?

In order for a car to move, it will need to have a power source; without this, it will simply stay in the same place. If it does move, it will only be because it is being pushed by someone or something that has power.

In the same way, for a man to move and to take action he will also need to have a power source. If he doesn’t have this, it will be normal for him to sit around and to find it hard to take action.

Confusion

Now, if a man is in this position, he might find it hard to understand why it is so difficult for him to take life by the horns, so to speak, and to get things moving. Like a car that won’t move, it could seem as though he has his break on.

He won’t be able to see it or know how to find it, but it will be holding him back. Consequently, he could spend a fair amount of time criticising himself and this could be something that other people often do too.

Self-Abuse

He could often tell himself that he is weak, incapable, is not man enough and/or that he needs to grow a pair, for instance. As opposed to working with himself, then, he will often be in a battle with himself.

What he says could be strengthened by the things that some of his friends and even family come out with. They could say that he lacks courage, needs to stand his ground, and that he needs to “man up”, for instance.

A Different Experience

Alte
atively, although a man may have been able to step back and reflect on what is going on, there is also the chance that he hasn’t got to this point. As a result of this, how he experiences life can just be seen as how life is and how he behaves can be seen as a reflection of his personality.

Due to this, he will just have to tolerate what is going on and to continue to live a miserable life. Still, this is not to say that he won’t spend a fair amount of time feeling frustrated, angry and helpless.

A Bleak Existence

If he has a job, it is unlikely that he will do something that sets his heart on fire; this could just be something that “pays the bills”. He could routinely be walked over whilst he is at work and simply put up with it.

When it comes to his personal relationships, he could be used to being controlled and having others direct his life. A number of family members may find it hard to let him live his own life and could make out that they know what is best for him.

What’s going on?

From the outside, it can seem as though he is missing something; it could even be said that he has “low testosterone” with this being seen as the reason why he is the way that he is. According to this viewpoint, the answer to his problems will be to elevate his testosterone.

Once this has been sorted out, he will have a power source that allows him to truly embrace life. Nonetheless, his testosterone levels might be fine and, even if they are not, they could just be a symptom of something else, something far deeper.

An Important Point

If he is often hard on himself, it will be clear that this power source has not completely disappeared; part of it will be used to tear him down. Like an autoimmune disease, he will be undermined by this part of him.

The big question is: what is it that is powering this power source? One way to look at this power source would be to say that it is being fuelled by his aggression/fight instinct.

The Missing Piece

This part of him has been heavily watered down, hence why it is primarily being expressed through his inner critic and why he lacks oomph. What this can illustrate is that he has disconnected from this part of him.

It can seem strange as to why he would have done this but there was probably a time when it wasn’t safe for him to be connected to it. To understand why this was, it will be necessary to take a closer look into what happened during his early years.

Back In Time

At this stage of his life, he may have had a father who was physically abusive and a mother who was too scared to do anything or who was just as destructive. He wouldn’t have been able to fight back or to run away; the only option was for him to freeze up, to play dead, and to disconnect from his body.

Disconnecting from his body would have allowed him to lose touch with what was going on and the pain that he was in, yet it wouldn’t have brought it to an end. Losing touch with his body, in addition to not feeling safe enough to exist or to express himself, would have also caused him to split-off his aggression.

One Goal

If he had listened to his aggression and expressed how he was feeling, it is likely that he would have suffered even more. Losing touch with his body and, in the process, his inner fire would have been something that automatically took place.

His need to survive was the only thing that mattered; what wasn’t on his mind was how this would affect him further down the line. Another part of this is that he is likely to carry a lot of rage, anger and hate deep in his body.

Awareness

Taking all this into account, as passive as he is this is not a true reflection of who he is. Nevertheless, for him to get out of this frozen state and to wake up or to activate his true-self, he will need to resolve his trauma and heal his emotional wounds.

If a man can relate to this, and is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.