Father Wounds: Can A Man Feel Worthless If He Had An Abusive Father?

If a man was to step back and reflect on his life, he may find that he often feels worthless and as though he is bad. Due to this, he may find that it is a challenge for him to embrace good things as he won’t feel worthy of them.

As a result of this, he may see that he has pushed a lot of good out of his life over the years. But, in general, he is likely to stop good things from even entering his life, which will mean that he won’t need to push most things away as most things won’t get this far.

A Big Surprise

If he was to open up to a friend about how he feels, this person could be shocked and find it hard to accept. The reason for this is that, as far as they are conce
ed, he could be a decent human being who deserves to live a good life.

This is something that the average person could say, if they were to hear about how he generally lives his life. Now, this is not to say that he will be a modern-day saint but he could typically treat others well, contribute to society and be kind, among other things.

A Mismatch

If he was to think about how he lives his life and then how he feels, he could come to the conclusion that it doesn’t make sense. Based on how he feels, it will be as though he is a career criminal who has caused a lot of harm over the years.

If his inner world matched up with how he lived his life, he is likely to feel good about himself and to know that he deserves to live a good life. Clearly, the sooner his inner world changes, the better.

A Battle

Over the years, he may have tried to change how he feels by doing more for others. For example, he may have taken part in a fair amount of charity work and, at times, made himself indispensable to others.

But, regardless of what he did, he won’t have been able to change how felt about himself. What this probably would have done is allowed him to avoid how he felt for a while but before long these feelings would have returned.

A Bleak Existence

Thanks to how he has felt, he may have spent a fair amount of time feeling very low and depressed. There may have even been moments when he felt suicidal, due to not being able to see a way out of the invisible prison that he is in.

He might often question if his life will ever change and if he has to put up with what is going on for the rest of his life. If this is how he has experienced life for as long as he can remember, this is to be expected.

What is going on?

It might seem as if he is this way due to what took place whilst he was at school or perhaps he was born this way. There is the chance that what took place during his formative years played a big part in why he is this way.

This may have been a time when he was physically harmed by his father, along with other traumas. If he can’t remember much about this stage of his life, it will show that his brain has blocked out what took place to protect him.

A Brutal Time

What he needed from his father was his love, support, protection and guidance; however, this would have seldom if ever been provided. Instead, this was someone who greatly undermined him and deprived him of the nutrients that he needed to grow and develop in the right way.

The trouble is that as he was egocentric at this stage of his life, it would have meant that he personalised what took place. It was then not that his father was in a bad way and this is why he harmed him; no, it was that he himself was worthless and bad.

A Natural Outcome

Considering this, why would he feel good about himself or believe that he deserves good things as an adult? During a key part of his development, he was treated like he was nothing and he was unable to defend himself physically or mentally.

Therefore, he was unable to stand up for himself and to stop what was going on, and he was unable to stop himself from taking in and then internalising what took place. Ultimately, he was extremely vulnerable and totally defenceless.

The Main Point

The truth is that he didn’t deserve to be treated badly; he deserved to be loved and valued. If this, along with any other traumas that he experienced, hadn’t taken place, he would probably feel good about himself and know that he is worthy of living a good life.

It is unlikely that purely changing what is taking place in his mind will allow him to know this at the core of his being. For him to know this, he will also need to work through the emotional pain that he automatically had to repress all those years ago to survive.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.