Father Wounds: Can Fathers Day Be Hard For Someone If They Had An Unavailable Father?

For some people, Fathers Day is a day when they will show their gratitude to their father for all the things that he did for them when they were a child and continues to do for them now that they are adults. When someone is in this position, this is then going to be a day of celebration and thus, they will be looking forward to it.

Due to this, they can spend a fair amount of time thinking about how they will show their appreciation to their father on this day. So, they may decide to take him out for a meal and buy him something that he will find useful.

Back in Time

If they were to think about what he was like during their early years, what could enter their mind is how supportive and encouraging he was. They could then think about how if he hadn’t been there for them throughout this stage of their life, they wouldn’t be the person they are today.

What could also enter their mind is how he often stood up for and protected them. Based on this, he would have been an archetypal father and it is to be expected that they would be grateful for having him in their life.

Another Reality

However, for others, this can be a day that they are unable to look forward to, thanks to the conflict that arises inside them when they think about their father. When someone is in this position, they might struggle to experience a sense of gratitude and could feel deeply let down by him.

This can mean that they might rarely if ever see him now that they are an adult, or they might often see him. But, if they do regularly see him, this can be a time when they won’t be real.

An Act

And, this could be something that they have just started to notice. If so, they could be sick and tired of acting as though he was something that he wasn’t and want to express how they really feel.

As a result of this, they might not want to celebrate this day and could be looking forward to when it has passed. If then, they do end up celebrating this day and buying their father something, it is likely to be driven more by a sense of obligation than love.

Looking Back

When they think about what it was like for them during their formative years, they could find that their father was rarely supportive and encouraging. Along with this, he rarely stood up for and protected them.

He might have often been verbally and physically abusive, too. This could mean that their parents split up very early on and they rarely saw their father, or he might have been around but been dominated by their mother and more conce
ed with pleasing her than being there for them.

Deeply Wounded

This would then have been a stage of their life when their father and perhaps their mother weren’t really there for them. They could feel let down and betrayed by their father and wonder why he even had a child or children.

There can also be the anger, rage and hate that they experience when they think about what happened. Below this, can be a sense of being rejected, unwanted and abandoned by him.

Another Position

Still, if they have at least one sibling, this sibling could have a very different view of their father. The reason for this is that their father might not have treated them in the same way.

At the same time, another part of this is that this sibling might have an idealised view of their father and see their mother as being the bad one, for instance. Either way, if they do have another sibling and they have a different view of their father, their sibling might not be willing to empathise with them and validate what they went through.

Another Part

Moreover, if they were to speak to their father about their early years and the harm that they experienced, they might not get very far. Their father could end up denying what they say or playing it down.

The outcome of this is that they might not want to see their father on Father’s Day. They could think about how long they have been ignoring themselves and pleasing their father and no longer want to behave in this way.

The Key

Ultimately, it will be important for them to listen to themselves and not be caught up with what they think they should or shouldn’t do and do what is right for them. If they have been deeply wounded and are unable to get through to their father, they may need to reach out for exte
al support.

By working with a therapist or healer, for instance, they will be able to receive the support and validation that they need and work through their inner wounds. This will take courage, patience and persistence.