Feedback; It’s a gift, you choose what to do with it…….

Let me start this article with a bit of a story (just bear with me here)……... A few years ago we were on holiday with some friends who had a young son and to keep him occupied they had brought along a kit for him to make bracelets. One quiet afternoon he decided to make everyone a friendship bracelet. He spent ages selecting the materials, choosing the design and then making each one. He then took great pride and pleasure in giving each of us our own individual bracelets. Whilst it was a lovely idea, with lots of thought, care and attention going into the making of it, the skills didn’t quite match up to the intention and well… it wasn’t the best bracelet that I have ever seen. However the thought behind it was wonderful and meant a lot to me. Here was someone who had taken the time effort and trouble to make and give me something. In fact, it meant so much to me that I still have it, although it now adorns the gear lever in my car, yet I often think about who made it and where we were at the time whenever I look at it. In my view feedback is like my bracelet -the person giving the feedback will have spent time, energy and given some thought to the feedback they want to give you and will why they want to give it to you. It is my belief that very few people set out with the intention of upsetting others and it is therefore likely that they will also have your interests at heart, especially if they know you well and care about you as a friend and / or colleague. Feedback is a way to let people know how effective they are in what they are trying to accomplish, or how they impact or affect you. It provides a way for us to learn and understand how we impact on those around us and it helps us to become more effective. There may be a difference between how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us; if there is, getting feedback will enable us to narrow that gap. Of course, there are two sides to feedback: giving it, and receiving it. Some people hold the view that feedback is just criticism and therefore don’t like or want to hear it. Others have a more extreme view and see it as spiritually crushing; a confirmation of their worthlessness, if you like. Some others only want to hear praise, but nothing that might suggest imperfection or a need to change. Of course, that’s not the case for everyone. Many people are willing to accept feedback and some even seek it out, even if it is sometimes disturbing, largely because they believe they can grow from it and become more effective. I guess that it comes down to whether you believe feedback will harm you or benefit you, I’m firmly in the court of the latter. That’s not to say that we should always have to accept feedback or the manner in which it is sometimes given. We all have the right to refuse feedback, and we should expect feedback to be given in a respectful and supportive manner. But let’s also not forget that we have a choice about the feedback we receive, the choice about what to do with it and whether or not to take any action at all. As the anonymous quote below says….. “If one person says that you are a horse, smile at them. If two people say that you are a horse, give it some thought. If three people say you are a horse, go out and buy a saddle.” ANON rnMy suggestion would be to think carefully about the gifts of feedback that you give and about how and where you deliver them and, for those receiving gifts of feedback, be grateful to the giver, if you’re not, they may not bother next time and you could end up losing out in the long run! Contact me if you would like further information on a suggested Feedback Model that you may find useful. I hope you have found this article useful, thought provoking and that it helps you deliver your gift more effectively.