Forget The Just "Get It Out Of Their System" Early Parenting Concept

Modern-day parenting isn’t easy, no doubt about that. But I sometimes feel that we make the job harder for ourselves by making some common parenting mistakes. Unfortunately, some mistakes can create life-long problems for your children.

How To Accidentally Create A Wild Child

Take the “let them get it out of their system early” concept for instance. It sounds logical, doesn’t it? Allow your child to do whatever they want or indulge in behavior you’d otherwise have restricted and they’ll eventually get tired, realize the error of their ways and start flying straight, so to speak. Your children will learn how to limit themselves without any fighting. It sounds good in theory but it’s really terrible when put into practice.

It can be easy to rationalize through situations and allow your children too much freedom. Say you let your toddler stay up all hours because you want to show them how tired and cranky it’ll make them the next day. Or you let them eat all the junk food they desire. Perhaps you decide to allow your teen to drink -heck you buy the alcohol yourself and let them indulge under your watchful eye. You might even give them the go-ahead to attend all the parties they want, no matter how wild and rowdy they get. They are young after all, and they need to let loose and get it out of their system. There’ll be plenty of time for your teen to be responsible when they grow older. Right?

It Just Doesn’t Work

Plenty of parents have gone down this route thinking that their kids will eventually have enough and become more agreeable and cooperative. Quite often, the opposite happens and here’s why:

1. Allowing kids to get away with inappropriate behavior under the guise of getting it out of their system sends a subtle, indirect message that you’re ok with that kind of behavior. Teens especially, love to test limits and they’ll think they have your approval for more experimentation and undesirable behavior and this might not end well.
2. Most parents don’t realize that both young children and teens need limits, rules, and boundaries in their lives. These keep them safe and help them know what behavior is expected of them. When coupled with appropriate consequences, they help kids learn that certain behavior doesn’t pay off. This way, they become responsible and disciplined individuals.
3. Both children’s and teens’ brains are not fully developed, hence they’re not yet equipped with the maturity and self-control required to avoid or stop inappropriate behavior. Sometimes parents fall into thinking their teens are as rational as the parents are. But teens are basically hard-wired to be drawn to risks and while they’re older and more mature than toddlers, they are still growing. They have trouble reasoning and thinking rationally sometimes and they generally have poor impulse control.

Your job as a parent is to guide your kids and to teach them how to make appropriate choices for themselves. If you want your children to behave in a certain way, teach them the values and qualities you’d like them to have, then be sure to encourage them to practice those instead of working towards the opposite.