Forgiveness is a Choice, Not a Feeling

We have all had people in our lives that have pissed us off. The trouble is if years later we still haven’t forgiven them and moved on, it eats away at us – not them. If you can’t forgive a person they still have control over you. Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling. nnSome people will be bitter for weeks because somebody used the last of the milk, while others that have been the victims of brutal attacks walk on sunshine, full of love. Look at Nelson Mandela - behind bars for 27 years and forgave his captors. It is said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. nnForgiving is letting the whole thing go instead of carrying bitterness you don’t need. If you say you cannot be happy today because of something that happened in the past you are only hurting yourself. The people that were involved don’t care and aren’t even aware. nnYou don’t have to know how to forgive; you just have to be willing to forgive. Forgiving is so important for you. Some people believe that if you let time pass forgiveness will eventually happen but this is not true at all. Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling. If you wait until you feel like forgiving someone it will never happen. You have to choose to forgive them, then as time goes by you’ll realise you actually have. You will no longer be carrying bitterness or hatred around anymore, you will be free of baggage – ahhhh freedom feels great.nnChoosing to forgive doesn’t mean you think whatever the person did is ok – it means you refuse to walk around carrying it forever on your shoulders. It is also not forgetting – in fact you must remember and acknowledge all your emotions before you can forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t have to involve reconciliation if you don’t want it to – it is to heal you, not them. It means you don’t want it to impact your life for one second longer. Comedian Lily Tomlin said "Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past".nnWhen you forgive you save your body from chemicals such as adrenaline and cortisone which surge through your body when you hold anger and resentment – long term they will give you cancer. There has been a case when a doctor could find nothing physically wrong with a patient during an autopsy so listed cause of death as anger and resentment. The person had been bitter for years and the doctor believed it eventually killed them.nnDon’t let your heart be jammed with historic sludge, allow peace to flow – be free instead. To be free we need to act as if nothing happened. When in pain you have 3 choices:n*press past it nown*press past it latern*keep it forevernnOnce you’ve made a choice to forgive:n1. Stop telling "the story." Discipline your tongue. Stop talking about the person/problem/issue. If you want to get better you cannot be bitter. Your mind affects your mouth and mouth affects your mind – so you need to stop talking about it and move on.n2. Do tell "the story" from the other person's perspective a few times.n3. Make a list of the good things that happened as a result of the experience.n4. Make a habit of sending blessings towards your enemies and those who have hurt you, believe your emotions are being healed.n5. Picture the person on a stage and see great things happening to them. Then do the same for yourself.nnBenefits of forgiveness:n• Healing of emotional and physical painn• Reduced depression and stressn• Better immune system and digestionn• More physical and mental energyn• Better quality sleepn• Longer lifen• Increased happiness and peace of mindn• Being friendlier and more tolerantn• Getting a new life! nnChoosing to forgive gives you back your emotional freedom and happiness. It makes you wiser and stronger as forgiveness is an attribute of the strong - weak people can’t forgive. It makes you easier to love and life itself is just easier. Press past it now!