Fourteen Ways Women Close Themselves Off From Finding Love

When dating or searching for a relationship, many times we unknowingly sabotage ourselves and undermine our chances for success. Here are 14 common ways we block the very same healthy relationship that we are endeavoring to find:

1. Carrying a big list: While it is important to make sure that a potential partner shares important values, when a woman becomes overly protective of her heart, she may also become overly judgmental of a man. If she has not taken the time to heal her past, her checklist will disqualify her suitors.

2. Associating dating with sex: Because she worries that she will be pressured into intimate relations, a woman is likely to avoid the situation completely. The wisdom is: date around, don’t sleep around. Avoid the fear of getting hurt by saying, ”no” to sex, not to dating.

3. Glorifying the past: The tendency to compare each new opportunity often keeps a woman from moving forward.

4. Staying stuck in grief: Holding on to her pain will keep her both safe and alone.

5. Not giving ourselves permission to love again: The awful feeling that we are betraying our partner, especially if they have passed away, is one way that women close themselves off. She must recognize that letting go of her pain does not mean she has stopped loving him, but rather she is able to feel the love.

6. Sleeping around: Sometimes when women are starting over after painful loss, they’re trying to repair low self esteem caused by rejection from previous lack of affection.

7. Feeling obligated to have sex: She fears that accepting a date for dinner will put her in a position of obligation, therefore evading the situation entirely.

8. Expecting immediate passion: If she is expecting the earth to shake right away, and it doesn’t, she may be turned off. The red flag should wave when she does feel intense attraction right away. She’s responding to her idea of what his guy is like, not the reality.

9. Maintaining unrealistic expectations or over romanticizing: Between movies and romance novels, a woman may have the idea that a ‘real’ man, will come along if she waits.

10. Attracting the wrong type: Because she is holding on to unresolved hurt from past relationships, she attracts people that repeat the pattern.

11. Seeking a sensitive man: Women often think that they want a man who is in touch with his feelings; that a more sensitive man would understand her better. She quickly begins to feel that he is too needy, and what she really wants is someone to be strong and supportive for her feelings.

12. Focusing on the negative: By remaining stuck in negative feelings about the potential success relationships, a woman convinces herself not to bother trying.

13. Becoming overly self-sufficient: When she disconnects from her needs, and sends out the message that she doesn’t need help, she is sabotaging her ability to attract a man into her life. Having needs is not the same as being needy.

14. Taking on too much, losing herself in taking care of others, and putting the needs of her children before her own are additional ways women close off availability.