Gaining Knowledge From Other Spousal Relationship Mistakes

Work: Rhonda and Fred fell in love in their late 30's. Each had jobs which they loved and that were very important to them. They had jobs where much was demanded of them and they always rose to meet those challenges. The couple was in Chicago. Every thing worked smoothly until one of them got a promotion that would move them to another city. This meant that they were in a real situation because of the move to another town. Unpleasant fights broke out because of it. Having Children: Early in my career as a psychotherapist, I worked with Mary and Cal. They met and hit it off with and he would have been a little over ten years older than her. The husband was already a dad with a couple kids that were already off to college but the gal had no kids of her own. The man was up front about not want any more children, he already had enough for him. Mary appeared to accept this, but secretly hoped to change Cal's mind once they were married. One spouse stepping out on the other will destroy a relationship faster than most other things. As many would testify, to have there spouse step out like that would be just too much to ignore. It's good to understand that the love quotes that we all read really should be an inspiration and not a judgment. Sure, everyone of us wants a love like that which is in the quotes about love. Yet that kind of relationship is one that is hard won and not just given. This particular case is quite frustrating. The wife was so disappointed. She loved Cal, but having children was actually extremely important to her. The wife wanted to save the marriage but did not want to give up on kids. The stress of the situation eventually eroded her immune system and she died of ovarian cancer of few years after bringing up the baby issue. However, Hal had married when he was very young. The man had to work very hard to maintain his home for his children. He had never had an opportunity to do some of the things he really wanted to do like travel on his own or explore relationships with other women. But his love for his wife bound him at home. The husband wanted to end the relationship. He must give his desires away. In situations of selfishness, people can distance themselves when they want what they want. The couple went to a counselor to figure out the problem. The woman was even able to let the man travel about for a year, but that did not solve the problem. A man must deny his urges if he is to use them properly with his wife. Yet the wife discovered that her husband was stepping out on her. Once he told her the truth it was the straw that broke the camels back. Mandy ended their relationship the day she discovered the affair. It would have been silly for the husband to pursue her after the betrayal. She still wanted the marriage to work because she loved him but had to much respect for herself to let him continue to betray her.