Getting in Touch with Your Will Is Vital for Having a Successful Intimate Relationship

NOT BEING IN TOUCH WITH YOUR WILL SABOTAGES YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

If you haven’t been successful in cultivating a successful relationship until now, in spite of your many attempts at dating and with on-and-off relationships, you might be telling yourself the following:

* “If only I had a relationship, everything would be fine”;

* “All the suffering that I’m going through will disappear when I'll have a relationship”;

* “Once I have a relationship, I’ll never need anything else. The most important for me is to be with someone”.

Then, upon (finally) having the opportunity to have a relationship you might ignore you will “for the sake of the relationship”. You might do so driven by the need to be loved and accepted; by the fear of being abandoned; by low self-esteem and by messages about relationships you internalized, such as: “Flexibility is most important in a relationship”; “Always love and understand your partner”. These, couple with your desire for a relationship drive you to tell yourself: “I have a relationship - and that’s what matters!”

THE PRICE YOU PAY WHEN YOU GIVE UP ON YOUR WILL

If you think that in order to have a partner you need to give up your own will, you don’t understand that every time you do so, you distance yourself from the intimate, genuine and deep relationship you so much desire.

When you sacrifice yourself and ignore your will on the altar of the relationship, you believe that your own good depends on the good of your partner(s): when things are good for THEM, they’re good for you as well. At the beginning of the relationship you might feel that “everything goes so smoothly” between the two of you”, and you tell yourself:

* “I love my partner and want to do everything for him/her.”

* “Compromises are important; all I do is try to meet my partner halfway.”

* “I am a good, caring and understanding person.”

Perceiving yourself a good, caring and understanding person helps you JUSTIFY to yourself why you ignore your will. As a result, your partner gets used to the fact that you do what’s good for him/her. Your partner is even liable to think that what’s good for him/her is good for you as well, since you’ve never requested anything or expressed any desire that was different from your partner’s.

Deep inside you hope that being nice and “compromising” will make your partner love you even more, not abandon you, and eventually “give back to you” the great love that you give to him/her.

Over time, being out of touch with your will and “being there for your partner” leads you to feel controlled, frustrated, humiliated, not appreciated and bitter – all of which might lead to endless conflicts and arguments and eventually to the end of the relationship.

THE SOLUTION

* Take the necessary steps to understand what makes you neglect your will.

* Take the necessary steps to get in touch with your will.

* Practice being authentic and behaving according to your will.

At the beginning it might be difficult for you – since you are not USED to behave according to your will (and might be afraid to doing so). But in the long run this is what will enable you to develop a healthy and successful relationship with a partner who loves and appreciates you for who you are.