Goals – Learn the Important Difference betwee Should and Want

We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential. - Ellen Goodman

I love this quote. This could very well be the difference between those who will struggle in the coming year and those who will thrive. Many times we are so focused on fixing what is wrong in our lives as a means of deciding what our goal or focus will be in the coming year we don't happen to notice it might not be what we really WANT.

Do you know what you really WANT? As the years tick by and the roller coaster we call life continues on its nonstop ride our dreams and wants can become buried under a mountain of shoulds.

What's the difference? Well...a lot. Not only do they sound different, they feel different. Try this little experiment and see if you don't agree. Below is a list of some of the synonyms for the word "should". Take a couple of calming breaths and focus on how you feel as you slowly say them to yourself.

Should: ought to, supposed to, have to, must, be required to, be obligated to, need to, be necessary, or unavoidable.

Now try the same process and focus on the word "want" and a few of its synonyms.

Want: feel like, desire, crave to, yearn for, wish for, wish to, fancy, aspiration or be willing to.

So how do you go about discovering what you want? To begin with, it's important to take a good look at all areas of your life as they are today.

Make a list of all the areas of your life. Write down as many as you can think of that accurately reflect your life. A few examples might be Relationships, Work/Career, Physical Environment and Material Goals.

When you feel your list is complete take some quiet time when you are comfortable and relaxed and think about your life as it relates to each category.

Next make a separate page in a notebook for each of your categories. Start with the category you most want to change and continue with this process so that the categories you are most satisfied with will be the last pages you prepare.Write a couple of sentences beneath each category that describe your satisfaction or dissatisfaction with that area of your life.

Now you have a list of the areas of your life and a good view of those you most want to change and why. Draw a line under the sentences you wrote for each category. It's time to dream. Take some time to think about what you want and write your vision of what your life would look like if anything were possible. Don't worry if it seems unrealistic. Write what you feel and write without self consciousness. This exercise is designed to awaken the possibilities inside and help you cultivate a goal you are truly inspired to achieve.

The truth is when you work on a "should" you find yourself trying to muster up discipline which can result in struggle, effort and frustration. When you do something you "want", something you care about and something that genuinely reflects who you are; you become inspired, creative, motivated, effective and committed.

Taking the time to really reflect on all the different areas of your life is the first step to discovering what you really want. It may take a bit of work in the beginning but once you acknowledge what is working in your life and what isn't you have the opportunity to discover your passion.

Once you know this you can devise a plan and get passionate about it. You can focus on it, expand your ideas and find the tools and people who can help you... and achieve it.

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