God As I Don't Understand Him

The 3rd Step of Alcoholics Anonymous instructs each us in pursuit of recovery “to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him”. This has been a stumbling block for alcoholic after alcoholic since its first appearance in “The Big Book” of AA in 1939. How we ask are we to turn something intangible (our will) over to an entity that is unseen and indefinable (God). The Trappist monk and spiritual writer, Thomas Merton wrote that “God by definition is indefinable and we as human beings attempt to define God, we can be assured of one thing…that we are wrong”. Conversely, AA suggests to us that the remainder of the steps will be built on a shaky foundation if we do what at first glance seems an impossible task. So how do we begin to address this step? As with every other step it begins with willingness. Willingness as Bill Wilson wrote in the “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions” to “make our will conform with God’s…” But how are we to have any real idea of what God’s will is? The honest answer is we can’t. We can’t because God is infinite and we as finite beings are incapable of understanding the infinite. A prayer written by Thomas Merton states “…Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire…” I believe both quotes by Merton have direct application to how I have chosen to “work” the 3rd Step. I have accepted and am quite comfortable in believing in a God that I have no understanding of. It is my belief that God does exist is what is important. Due to my lack of understanding of God, it only reasons that I have no understanding of His will. What am I left with? I believe I have all that I need to address Step 3. I have a belief in God and a desire for all that I do to please Him. I will never know, while on this Earth, if in fact it was pleasing to Him. But what is important is the intent of my actions. If my intent is not self seeking in nature, if it is to be of service to others and if it glorifies God, I believe I have accomplished a very thorough 3rd Step that will carry me forward in recovery.