Got Critics?

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I once got an email that accused me of undermining the professionalism of the team I was working with at the time... What the...? Moi? Unprofessional? A liability? How could this be? I cherish my professionalism and integrity! And this, out of the blue, after a behind-my-back discussion about events on the project. I was sorely wounded. And like any wounded animal I was surly, cranky, and out for blood. How dare he! How could she? Why did they? Why me? I wanted to bring out the ice pick and plunge it in to their backstabbing miserable little necks! But decorum prevailed and I took a deep breath and picked up the phone instead. The conversation that followed did not reveal much about my alleged behaviour except that it had been completely misinterpreted. Where I had asked to contribute to a discussion this had been seen as 'interfering'; where I had forwarded an email, it had been read as me 'taking over'. Ridiculous. It was all petty, misconstrued, and out of line. So what do you do when you've got critics? Here's the process I went through in dealing with this scenario: 1. Rant, vent, and rage - carefully - in the presence of supportive of friends. You don't want to blast someone or tear up the office. But you'll likely feel some upset by someone being mean to you. It's ok - feel hurt, pout, cry if you need to, and then get on with it. 2. Find out the story from their perspective. This part sucks and is hard to do because you'll just want to interrupt with 'but...' and justify your behaviour. Just suck it up - they're entitled to their opinion - let them get it out. They'll feel better, even if you feel like you've got to prise an axe from your spine. If you're not feeling like throttling them (good for you!), then you can address the issues then and there. If you do feel like shouting at them until their eardrums pop, it's best to defer to a meeting you arrange for a day or so later. This will give you a chance to process their comments and blow off some steam. 3. Arrange a meeting - maybe with a witness or mediator. If you are still feeling attacked and vulnerable, then you might invite an independent person to witness the discussion. Or if it has gone pear-shaped, ask for a mediator to guide the discussion. 4. In the meeting, don't dwell on what has happened. Present options for solutions and future strategies. 5. It's about them, not you. If you're truly being criticised unfairly, then it's likely the other person has got some background issues that are feeding their maniacal nastiness. Pity them. Life is too short to get wound up by someone else's drama. May you have many days free of critics, backstabbers, gossips, and other yuckiness! If not, stuff 'em! You're better than all that!