Happiness - The Dire Need to Be Loved: A Misguided and Dangerous Idea

Now that you've read my previous article titled, "Is the Affection You Receive Worth the Price You Pay for It?," and done your math, let's explore together the time when the misguided idea of the dire need to be loved, approved, and accepted becomes the most dangerous for us.

Let's begin with the fact that when we truly need an irreplaceable element to achieve an important goal of ours, we are hardly critical of the price.

For example, imagine yourself in the process of dying of thirst in a desert with the last jackpot lottery in your pocket. A Bedouin passes in front of you with a flask filled with greenish, brackish, polluted water. "One million dollars a sip," he says. What to do? To pay, of course... Otherwise, it's certain death for you. On the other hand, if there is a lush oasis beyond the next dune, needless to say you are literally being cheated!

Now, let us leave this hypothetical story about the Bedouin, and move on to our father, our mother, our children, our friends, our boss, our colleagues, or our romantic partner. If we erroneously believe that we have an irreplaceable need for the affection of these persons to live happily on this earth, then we are in the ideal position to be exploited.

Once again, imagine yourself repeatedly saying to your romantic partner things like:

• "Without you, I am nothing." - "Don't ever leave me..." - "Your wonderful love makes me alive." - "Before you, I was nothing but a miserable lamp off."

Now, your romantic partner-who is not necessarily a saint-may very well reassure you along these lines:

"Don't worry, my love. I have for you inexhaustible resources of this love that is so necessary for you. All I ask of you is to always do the following: Bathe the children, walk the dog, rub and scrub-the list can go on and on and on!-and then, I'll love you!"

And here you are, transformed by your misguided ideas, into a person that is exploitable at will-most of the time exhausted and not only complaining that life is hard, but that others are also way too much demanding.

Can you see a little bit of yourself in this story? If so, realize this: This is almost always your dire need to be loved, approved, and accepted that wears you out and makes you so vulnerable. Strangely enough, I have often seen people-men, women, children, and old people-who would do anything to keep receiving love in dribs and drabs from their regular retailer.

Now, is it really fun to live this way, during the short years of our life on earth?

Let's face it: It is up to us to be more critical of the prices we pay and what we get in return. However, we will not be able to do this calculation lucidly-whether we talk about carrots or the love of our romantic partner- if we keep in mind the misleading idea that we have an irreplaceable need of this "product" to be happy. And even if we got this "product," simply think of all the anxiety we would experience at the mere thought of its delivery being interrupted! Indeed, who among us can really boast of always being able to please, even if only to one person?