Healthiness: Do you actually have it or even know what it is??

We, as adults, all endeavor to have a meaningful, loving relationship. We all hope that imaginative dream of a fairy tale love is truly imparted with our soul mate if not our best friend. We cherish the thought of someone wanting us unconditionally. We yearn for someone to have ‘as our own'. But to be the devil's advocate; how often do we truly pray for a healthy relationship?

Adults typically only express that prayer, for ‘a healthy child' or ‘healthiness' when it comes to our children and grandchildren. But we as adults need a succinct oneness as well. Healthiness is the ability to not cause hurt, harm, damage, devastation, criticism, callousness, apathy, and addiction towards our mates. It's not just the physical scars that damage relationships but belittling, insulting, ridiculing, and nit-picking at our better-halves ultimately cause the 360 degree circle to become minimized to a miniscule diamond shape.

How can you move towards healthiness? If you strive for compassion that lends flexibility; listening beyond hearing; friendship despite the title; understanding temptations as they are; minimizing greed (be it sexual, financial, or overbearing) whereas to not smother; and conceding regardless of wanting to be right, then you are headed in the right direction. The positive ends of these parallels are excellent primers for securing the completeness beyond just having someone on the next pillow and in the adjacent chair.

More often than not, topics such as this is more frequently discussed within the realm of professionals such as marriage and family therapists, counselors, psychologists, and social workers alike. However, how often is this done on a regular basis within normal daily conversation? If you aren't privy to the difference between healthiness vs. unhealthiness, here are a few differences between the two as found on an online coaching website (http://www.soulwork.net/sw_articles_eng/healthy-relationships.htm.)

--Healthy love is fluid and dynamic.
Addictive love fears change. --Healthy love is gentle and comfortable.
Addictive love is combative. --Healthy love encourages honesty.
Addictive love encourages secrets. --Healthy love is unique. There are no ideal lovers.
Addictive love is stereotyped. --Healthy love creates life and joy.
Addictive love creates melodrama and suffering. --Healthy love is accepting the partner you have.
Addictive love looks for more or better. --Healthy love is based on your desire to be with a
person.
Addictive love is based on need. --Healthy love is making yourself happy.
Addictive love seeks someone to make you happy. --Healthy love develops after you feel safe.
Addictive love tries to create bonds to avoid fear.

It is so far beyond dieting. Experts should actively focus more open discussions on helping our clients and participating parties become privy to understanding the totality that seemingly is missing within our relationships. This lack of connectedness impacts our realistic ability to have self-fulfillment and relationship-gratification as well as a constant, unfortunate emptiness.

Healthiness is yet the fulfillment of time spent in a meaningful manner with someone who can appreciate you for your good and bad; accept your flaws; strengthen your weaknesses; and applaud your excellence and admire your accolades. Timing is the key. It’s always plausible to strive for it for oneself as well as within your relationships; family, friend, and intimate partners alike!!