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Heartbreak - a 5-Step Plan for Overcoming It

Topic: ForgivenessPublished March 9, 2010

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Few things in a man's life are as painful as the heartbreak after a breakup. This article will help all men to mend a broken heart. How can you continue living after a breakup? Every reason you had for living walked out the door with her! You can't just go out and start seeing women again - it's too soon, you're not ready, and you'll scare off most decent women. Stay calm, read this article and plan to observe the stages and get back to your life. The severity of the pain you're feeling will have a great impact on how long you remain at each stage of this process.

Stage One: Recognizing that it's really over

After she's left you, you've got to accept that she's not coming back. She's moved on; the relationship is over. You used to pass so much time together, either physically or on the phone or online. Now she's no longer there. In some ways, this is even tougher than your love
dying, because when she leaves you, a whole part of you is gone, just as if she died, but then you see her walking around, or even worse, with another man. You start thinking again about that last day you were together and she told you that she was leaving you, and you can't get it out of your head, and your heart breaks again . . . yet you've got to accept that she's gone and it's over, and only then can you think about moving on to Stage Two. Slowly - with the passage of time - the recognition dawns on you that not only is she gone, and the relationship gone as well, but you're still alive, and sometimes you're capable of feeling something other than the melancholy you've gotten too used to.

Stage Two: Let yourself grieve

You're at the stage now where you've accepted that she's gone and the relationship has ended. In many ways, you've come to terms with the death of the relationship, and just as you'd grieve for the death of someone close to you, it's proper and natural to grieve for a lost relationship. Don't feel ashamed or reluctant to cry if you're inclined to do so - don't hold back. It's a natural feeling and a good way to relieve the pressures building emotionally.

Stage Three: Fury

Don't blame yourself for the breakup - she's the one who walked out, not you. At this stage in the process, as you come to acknowledge the reality that she's gone, and you've actively grieved for the loss of your relationship, it's actually normal to feel anger with her for leaving, even though you might have been feeling that way for quite a while now.

Stage Four: When can you start meeting women again?

How do you feel? At this point, you should be over your grief and over your sense of loss. If the anger is subsiding, it may be time again to venture forth and start meeting people again - especially women. You've been holding yourself back because you knew it was important to work out for yourself the reality of your relationship ending. When your anger toward your ex has subsided (and it could be a while), it's finally time for you to go out and start orienting yourself to the new reality - there are literally millions of women out there around your age who are looking for just the right man to spend time and have fun with!

Stage Five: All good things come to he who waits

Finally, you've freed yourself from the emotional bondage to the failed relationship. Now you're really free. You have no ties to bind you down, not to your ex, and not to the failed relationship. You've gotten over your anger, and it was so critical to do so, because otherwise you'd have had a hard time meeting and getting involved with new people. This is the goal you've been working toward all this time - free of the past, free to go out into the world and seize all it has to offer without guilt! Enjoy it!

Article author

About the Author

Steve Steiner enjoys helping men deal with the conflicts and challenges they experience in relating with women and helping them form successful relationships. If you found this article helpful and would like to learn other ways to help you through your breakup, check out How to Get Over a Broken Heart and Dealing with a Breakup.

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