Helping Children to Cope up with a Loss in the Family

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal-From a headstone in Ireland No pain, no grief, no anxious fearrncan reach our loved one sleeping here.rnTo live in the hearts of those we love is never to die rnToo well loved to ever be forgottenrnThe song is ended, but the melody lingers onrnStep softly, a dream lies buried herernYour love will light my way, rnYour memory will ever be with me Death is our final destination but no wants to die, even people who wishes to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. No one can escape it because it is the law of life. It is a process which eliminates the old to make the new. When someone dies in the family it becomes difficult to help kids cope up with the sorrow. It’s also obvious that the kid’s understanding of concept of death depends on their age, life experience and personality. Try to explain your kids about death in their terms. You have to be honest and answer the entire question which comes up in your child’s mind. Sometimes you will have difficulty and you may not answer all the questions. A child's capacity to understand death — and your approach to discussing it — will vary according to the child's age. It is belief of many people that children are very young to understand the meaning of death so it’s better not to burden them with this thought. The reality is something else, grown up children are well aware of the fact of death. They know that something unpleasant is happening in this small world which cannot be avoided but it can bear by developing healthy attitude. The following lists some common ways children might respond to a death: • Sadnessrn• Denial, shock and confusionrn• Anger and irritabilityrn• Inability to sleeprn• Nightmaresrn• Loss of appetitern• Fear of being alonern• Frequent physical complaints such as stomachaches and headachesrn• Loss of concentrationrn• Depression or a loss of interest in daily activities and eventsrn• Sharp drop in school performance or refusal to attend schoolrn• Excessively imitating or asking questions about the deceased or making repeated statements of wanting to join the deceasedrn• Humiliation or guilt over personal failure to prevent loss of life There are many ways by which you can help your child cope with the death of a loved one: The following list will help you in this matter. • Use concrete terms when explaining death. Avoid terms such as "passed on" or "went to sleep" Children may not understand that these terms mean the person has "died." • Allow him/her to attend the funeral if he/she wants to but do not force it. Let him/her know what to expect at the funeral. • Give the child choices in what they do or don't do to the remember the deceased. Allow the child to participate in family rituals if he/she wants to—going to the funeral or cemetery, helping plan the ceremony, picking flowers, etc. • Allow the child to talk about the deceased, but don’t push them to talk about their feelings. • Children can be fearful about death. Give them a chance to talk about their fears and listen when they express their fears. • Be patient. It may take them a long time to recover from their loss.