Higher Power and I

20+ years ago my life was spiraling out of control, my addiction had taken over every aspect of my life and I saw no hope in my life. The loneliness was so intense it would make me shudder, it became easy to just ease it away with another drink, then another and then I wouldn’t remember for just a little will how sad my life had become.

I could bury that deep sadness and self hate. I stop drinking 20 years ago today, but the I had become as a person stayed with me for years, with each passing day, then months and then years, I started to realize that I needed to find another way to live and that I needed to do things differently.

At first I resisted any concept of a higher power, but after some time things started to happen in my life that I could not have done on my own. My awareness was that I no longer had to do it alone, with the help of some great people in my life I began to see opportunity everywhere, I saw hope and in the background was a higher power that sometime gently or with a slap guided me along the way.

I have to say that I have spent hours, days and years working on many of my character defects, but there were more deeper and darker beliefs, that required much more than just a reflection. Many of these patterns/beliefs were a filter that I saw the world through, but more importantly they also are the lens through which I see myself.

Self worth and self concept are formed early in life, add to that an addiction, a verbally and physically abusive home environment and you have a recipe for low self esteem and someone constantly seeking approval, one obsessively driven to want to become something more, but with no real understanding how to achieve any kind of healing.

I spent most of my adult life alone and struggle just to make a living as keep some sense of stable in my world (really hard to do when you are drinking your face of everyday) They say that many people live pay check to pay check….well I was short about $200 a pay check and as a habit I pretty well always have spent more tha
I make (this is to buy things so that on the outside I can show the world that I have the appearance that everything is hunky dory and that wasn’t the case at all.

I have worked with NLP coaches, Life Balance Healing, EFT and some of the most recognized coaches in the industry. I started to make head way in many areas of my life and more importantly in my financial life, I could easily manifest jobs and every year for 5 years I doubled my income…then I reached a plateau and started to become very bored with each one of my achievements. I learned latter that this is a common trait in entrepreneurial spirits.

I would leave jobs for no reason,I got so bored that I talk a friend into I starting our own business and sold it 5 years later and have no money to show for it. So something was still not right so now I quantum jump, I do some really serious subliminal sessions.

Each morning and evening I do a guided meditation, that allows me to shake loss these embedded concepts. I also have some great friends and mentors that always remind me that I am more than enough, that I am good enough, that I do belong and that what I bring to the table is worth something.

More importantly I have a connection with my higher power and with this help I have been able to create, grow and develop a manner of living that allows me to be at peace in all circumstances and for that I am truly grateful.

You see, we have choices, you can choose to stay with what you know or today you can push through what fear/hate the mos and in this process become transformed. Live your dreams always and never stand still.

Now that I understand that I like to create things, I found something that I have loved to do. For years all the years I have been online I get to do something that I really love to do, because it changes and there always something new to do or to learn, but more importantly I have met some great people along the way.

As you press forward, know that you are truly never left alone and help is alway there if you seek it out.