How can I stop comparing myself to others including my friends to live a happier and healthier life?

Questioner's Background: I think they're all cool, funny, successful, confident and I’m not. I love what I'm doing, and I believe in my goals, but I think I can't make myself and my goals seem interesting to people. Sometimes I get sad when people praise others. It's like I want all the attention to be towards me only.

In today’s social media connected world, it is extremely difficult to not compare yourself to others and feel that you are not quite up to par. This is a common problem with many looking for the secret key to enable one to lead a happy and a healthy life, free from the torments of comparison.

Your first step should be to try and improve your own sense of self-worth, by having faith and confidence in yourself – through a positive mindset. Focus on your strengths and the things you do well.

Effects of Comparison:-

Misery and unhappiness-
You have already established the ill effects of comparison has had on you – a sense of inferiority or a feeling of being inadequate. It is fine if you are happy for others when you see others being successful and confident but if you feel any degree of envy or sadness because of their qualities then these feelings will result in your own downfall and thus causing you misery.

Jealousy and hostility towards ones friends or relatives-
Generally, when you are comparing yourself with others, this emotion of comparison will eventually be followed by jealousy and dislike. You will at some point begin to develop a sense of resentment and disdain for your friends and thus, create distance between you and them, which eventually may ruin your friendship.

Loss of energy.
Crucially, you must understand that whilst you are exercising comparison towards your friends your concentration gets diverted onto them thus losing vital energy within yourself. During this time, you lose sight of your own personal goals because you are trying to be like them or focusing on what you lack within, therefore, your own goals are side-lined.

For example, if your friend is very capable in sports, such as swimming and you start to compare yourself to her, you may start thinking adverse thoughts such as I cannot swim, I am unfit, or I am unhealthy. As a direct result of you focusing on your own perceived relative inferior traits, you will start to form negative opinions about your own capability and develop ill feelings towards your friend. Instead, if you had simply focused on what you are good at, perhaps not in sports but in other areas of your life, you would be far happier!

Strategies you could use to move away from the ill effects of comparison include:
• Appreciate and improve your Self-worth.
• Focus on your strengths – instead of using your energy in what you cannot do. Draw strength from what you do well.
• Accept that not everyone will be good at everything.
• Praise your friends for their good qualities, when you do this you will notice that their qualities will raise within you. By doing this you will gain tremendous happiness and peace of mind.
• Break the habit of comparing, this will take some time and practice but with time it will become easier.
• With whoever you find yourself competing or comparing, ask for forgiveness for that fault from the person concerned even mentally. By doing so, you will find freedom from the ill effects of comparison such as sadness, suffocation, negativity and the raging fire of pain from within. Also through this act of asking for forgiveness, you will find after some time that comparison will lessen towards the persons concerned. You will feel lighter and much lesser in pain.

In fact, if you do want to compete then only compete with yourself, as you should always strive to become better as a person than you were yesterday. This is possible by remaining sincere to yourself and towards your goal.

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan, has stated ‘Happiness can only be attained when you give happiness’, this is the law of nature. So be happy for others and nature will return the same happiness back to you.

Spiritual Science Akram Vignan has taught many people, practical and scientific solutions while experiencing adverse emotions which have set many onto the road of success without competing with others.

Please visit https://www.dadabhagwan.org/path-to-happiness/relationship/pratikraman-solution-to-relationship-problems/how-to-deal-with-jealousy-and-suspicion/