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Like many, you may have the most difficulty trusting Spirit when you are faced with a sudden or shocking experience such as a lost job, sudden illness, an accident, or an end to a significant relationship. It can create a jolt to your perception of reality and shake your foundation that is your sense of stability and security. You may want to trust, but struggle with fear. Unfortunately, the fear can stop you from receiving the most beautiful gift of all - to know that you are supported by God, always and all ways.
In your foundation exists both that which serves you and that which does not. Often, in part, you are living by what doesn't faithfully uphold you, such as ego identification (for example: I am my job, or my relationship is who I am), attachments to outcomes, or expectations. These create false foundations because they are weak, external securities that can vanish in an instant. This is what can be shocking to realize; what you thought was secure is not. When these collapse so can you.
When your life gets shaken up like this, it exposes much of what you need to see. If it's too frightening your ego will try to quickly regain familiar, solid ground, but once again your house would be built on the same or similar illusions. However, if you take the time to survey the newly-turned landscape, it can provide you with deep insight into how that foundation can be excavated and rebuilt to create truer security. This is an opening to consciousness.
You begin to heal and rebuild your foundation when you acknowledge to yourself what has been hidden. The core illusions that I help clients uncover, and that I have seen operate in my own mind, come in the form of core self-perceptions, such as: I don't exist, I'm invisible, I don't matter, I'm nothing, I'm undeserving, I'm bad, I'm wrong, I don't matter, I'm not enough, or I'm not valuable. These are the type of be[lie]fs that completely influence one's life by permeating many aspects. If you are honest enough to sit with a core belief that you hold, you are likely to reveal to yourself just how deceptively it has served as an interference. Scan your life experiences, and you'll see how it's been there all along, but it's just that now it's out in the open.
To establish true security, you have to be willing to go beyond the mental programs and into the painful emotions that have served like cheap mortar to keep these weak beliefs in place. You've likely held onto these emotions for a long time, perhaps decades or much longer, and you seemed to be able to hold things together. But now your experience is confronting you with what you have been reluctant to do - feel them.
It does not serve you to work around these emotions. Instead, if, in focused awareness, you lean into the emotions - really feel them, accept them, not resist or try to change them - you will find that they dissolve, because they are ego illusions that have little substance. To truly free yourself you have to accept them in the moment – fully.
Often, for much of humanity, another damaging illusion behind the pain is the feeling of being forsaken by God. This lack of trust in our relationship with God is rooted in deep wounds of hurt. The wounded self would ask, "Where was God when ___________?" and your most painful or uncomfortable experience would fill in the blank. This part of ego can't make sense of God, let alone a God that is supposedly unconditional.
The supportive God that this hurt self wants comes from the ego-mind's version of how it wants God to be: nurturing, comforting, relieving, loving, and accepting. Spirit is all that, and can provide all that, but only if you understand that unconditional means to place no conditions or limits. When you are loved unconditionally, it means you are wholly accepted for who you are, without expectation of change. The moment you expect God to change your circumstances because it would be easier or more comfortable, you are asking God to place a condition on who you are and this unanticipated opening to knowing yourself as the unconditional God that you are.
Your God-self, your 'I AM' presence, is the constant and reliable Self. It is not static but always self-perpetuating into more of itself. It has not arrived there by having created a goal or destination of spiritual enlightenment. It doesn't need to arrive at all. It is. Therefore, there is nothing to change, yield to, grasp or get. It is whole in and of itself and requires no adjustment.
So when your world is turned upside down, and you plead to God to change your circumstances, it is understood that this is a plea of the ego-mind that wants a way out of being annihilated by truth. The ego really doesn't want to finally rest in the stability of trust. It will not easily yield to peace. It will never be the source of love for you because it always seeks to engage in tension, conflict, grasping, or resistance, directing energy away from truth. As long as ego doesn't have to see itself, it can avoid change. It can avoid dissolution into the Light.
In challenging times, the prayer is to remember the truth of your 'I AM'. The prayer is to be able to hold neutrality in your response and hold your Light steady. Your Light will not place any condition upon you; it does not even judge your ego tension. The lack of condition upon you means that whatever you dislike in your response to your experience is also your door to freedom to remember your true nature beyond egoic games. Whether you hold disharmony or surrender, it's your responsibility and choice. Remind yourself that when you are in alignment with your God-Self, truly, with clarity, all else falls away. Ego cannot be in resonance with your truth.
However, this all seems unfair to the hurt ego. It blames God for the injustice at not being rescued or protected from this instability of the unanticipated situation. But who is there to save? This is only necessary from the point of view of your ego because ego sees itself as separate. In truth, God is not external to you nor are you separate from God. You are God and you have a foundation of security in your true nature. Any identification with ego-mind in its diminishing beliefs and painful emotions is simply denial of your unconditional God-Source Light.
It is helpful to know that this struggle that you are separate from God, or are subservient to a judging and rewarding God, is old and a distortion of your true self-knowledge. In fairness, the deep truth has been erased from human memory through many manipulations, including most profoundly from the planetary logos. While this is changing in very meaningful ways, for many people personally and in the collective, be compassionate with yourself during these opportunities for awakening and acknowledge that you, like everyone, can be challenged by this human condition. As discussed above, ego dissolution is a process that requires self-honesty and a willingness to witness that which is not truth. Receiving support for healing these layers and clearing these distortions can be helpful to remembering your true nature.
When abrupt turns in your life seem like they are bringing you to your knees, your mind will not help you to figure yourself out, nor do you need to find your God. You can accept what is, both that which has limited you for so long, and the truth of you. Surrender. Remember that you are always supported, strongly and securely in your own unconditional love, your God-Self. Trust that you have always known this in your soul.