How to Be Secure in Your Insecurity

If you knew me 15 years ago you wouldn't recognize the author, coach and public speaker - with a lot of Moxie - I am today.

I was once the shiest person I knew. As a child, I dreaded the first day of school because I usually had to stand up and tell everyone what I did on my summer vacation. To stand up, speak and have everyone look at me scared the shit out of me.

As an adult and a Senior Level Executive I often had to give presentations in front of groups including the Board of Directors. Terrified, I couldn't sleep knowing I was sure to forget everything and look like a blathering idiot. My career - my life - would be ruined. I was sure of that.

I lived. And learned how to step into my fear and insecurity instead of running away from it. I was surprised to find out it took less energy to be willing to be vulnerable than it was to resist what turned out to be not so bad after all.

The way to be secure in your insecurity is simply this:

Suck it up, cupcake.

Your insecurity is real. The reasons for your insecurity probably aren't. They're based on your personal view of your situation and you've got some schmutz on your lens clouding up your vision.

For example, if you're insecure in your relationship it probably has less to do with your present relationship than it does with a past relationship, beginning with your parents - beginning with your self. Finding Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) makes you want to Fuck Everything And Run (F.E.A.R.).

Do what scares you anyway.

Take one big step into your insecurity. Be willing to be insecure. Be willing to be vulnerable. You can be secure in your insecurity by being rational.

Unless you're standing in front of oncoming traffic you're not going to get hit by a bus, you're not gonna die. When you stop imagining all the terrible things that could happen you leave room in that head of yours for clarity, focus and a healthy presence of mind.

Heck, you were insecure when you tried to take your first steps. You fell on your butt - again and again. Yet you got up - again and again - putting one wobbly foot in front of the other. Pretty soon you were running, jumping, climbing, skipping and coming up with more and more ways to get yourself to where you want to go.

You'll realize that even if you screw up royally you'll be OK. Others have fallen flat on their faces in glorious ways - whether it be in their career, relationships, social gatherings or every day life.

And they lived to tell the tale. So will you. You might even end up with a great story that can be leveraged to your advantage - at least at cocktail parties.

Suck it up, cupcake. Do what scares you anyway. Put one foot in front of the other. You'll be ok. I promise you.

P.S. - The thing you're most insecure about may very well be what your heart is calling you to become.