How to be with anger

Emotions are part of being human; there is no escaping them and as a society we label these emotions as positive or negative. We need to realise that all emotions, the good, bad and the ugly are part of life and is what makes us who we are. A good place to start is to remove the positive and negative labels we attach to emotions as without feeling sadness, how can we experience happiness? Life is about balance, so it’s important to begin to accept all emotions and realise it’s natural to feel sad or angry sometimes, just as it is natural to feel happiness or joy.

Anger is a particular emotion which is not dealt with correctly in society. Women are often taught that they must not express anger and men sometimes become to aggressive. If you were raised not to express anger, perhaps that it was a wrong and forbidden form of expression it may be difficult to know how to express it appropriately as an adult. It’s important to become aware that what once served you as a child is now an out-of-date belief system. Anger itself isn’t the problem; it is how you deal with it, react and process it.

There are many different articles which talk about anger in varying degrees, some state that people need to control their anger and it is perceived as a dangerous emotion. If you spend so much energy controlling anger, it may still be supressed as there is no process involved. Others state you just need to think positively but this approach can be detrimental to your inner well being as unexpressed and internalised anger can cause problems such as depression, unhappiness, anxiety, high blood pressure and many other health issues as it is inverted and remains stationery in the body.

People often find themselves at the extremes of anger, either exploding at someone for no apparent reason, or bottling up the anger – and it's difficult to find a middle ground. So one of the biggest challenges is to express anger in a manner which is healthy and safe.

Accepting your anger is an excellent starting point as well as understanding that by expressing anger in a healthy way is creates more wellbeing in your life. Accept any thoughts that may be present and remember it’s natural to think angry thoughts. Recognise what caused you to feel angry in the first place; perhaps it was a stressful long day in the office, a problem in a relationship, not being heard, taken advantage of or feeling anxious or tired.

Realise, it okay and healthy to be angry and to feel anger but ensure it is channelled directly, as Aristotle said:

“Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power, that is not easy.

Learn to positively channel the anger is imperative to your well being. If you discover how to harness this you will be able to put the energy into something much healthier.

Sometimes anger may be difficult to release, especially if your belief system doesn’t accept the anger and this causes suppression and overwhelming feelings. If this is the case speak to a qualified person to work with changing your belief system and releasing the anger in a safe and secure environment who will not judge you. Hypnotherapy is a great process to work with anger by understanding, releasing and healing.

An experienced and fully trained hypnotherapist may use many different techniques for working with anger, such as role plays, healing, working with body where the anger is stored, and other exercises to enable the anger to be released in a safe and holding environment.