How to Become More Assertive

Many people feel that they are not assertive enough and that people walk over them. Most of them don’t know how to stand up to people without looking like jerks.

I would define assertive behavior as a way one expresses his or herself while at the same time respecting other people.
Ways you can become more assertive are:

Say NO More Often

Saying no should not hurt other people if you are genuine about it. It is perfectly understandable that you sometimes can’t or won’t do something for others, especially if you have something more important to do yourself.

People who still insist that their priorities should be more important to you than your own are really not worth your time, as they clearly don’t respect you.

Stick to Your Values

This is always a lot harder than it seems. To stick to your values you sometimes have to disappoint people who do not deserve it.

For example, if your grandparents spoil your children with gifts, you may disappoint your kids who I am sure would have no objection to being spoiled, by telling your grandparents to stop behaving in such a way.

When you break your own rules once, later it becomes easier and people start expecting you to do so, which is a downward spiral, so give it a good, long thought before you start enforcing them.

Break Your Patterns

Breaking patters is a great way to grow as a human being. It is something that leads us out of our comfort zones.

So, let’s say that you always let your husband pick a movie. Break the pattern by being the one that picks it this time.
Or, if you always eat at the same diner or buy coffee from the same place, just mix them up.

This way you prepare yourself to break the patterns at work or home you don’t like.

Take Responsibility

Language is very important for your state of mind. Taking full responsibility also means saying “I” more often than “we” or “us”. So, when you voice your opinion clearly state that “I think”. That way you take responsibility for your thoughts and actions.

Be Objective

Being assertive also means talking to people in a different way than you may have used to. Don’t tell someone straight out that you find them annoying.

Rather, tell them that you do not like to be talked to in a certain way, and ask them to stop.

Emulate a Role Model

Emulating a role model is a good strategy as you can always think of “what would my role model do In this situation”, and then do it.

You can pick a fictional character or even a person you know in real life. Just be sure to understand their limits before you start emulating them, as none of us are perfect.

Being assertive may seem harder than it is, especially if you are shy and timid. But, over time and given enough practice you will be very glad that you changed your old ways, even if the roadblocks on the way to success may sting from time to time.