How to Build Your Child's Self-Esteem

It is something that all parents attempt to provide their children with and something that many parents feel inadequate doing: raising a child that is self-confident. Self-esteem many times seems like a fragile and distant development that we all know what it is but are clueless when it comes to how to develop it. Your self-esteem consists of many different aspects of how you feel and see yourself. It literally affects every aspect of your life from relationships, to your work life, and your body image. So how does a parent build this important aspect in their children?

Parents teach their children that "honesty is the best policy." You expect your children to be honest with you. When it comes to the self-esteem of your child, they will be able to tell if you are being honest with them. For instance, if your child is not the best artist, do not lie and say that their painting is the best you have ever seen because your child already knows it is not, and therefore, they may not believe you the next time you say something even it is true. Rather, point out something true about the art piece, such as their effort. Make statements that are non-judgmental like, "This really shows your imagination with the different colors of flowers." This way you are making an observation rather than outright lying to your child.

In addition, it is important to understand that your child and his or her behavior are separate. Of course, this is difficult to remember when your child is misbehaving or engaging in something that it unsafe. When you discipline your child for their behavior and not for the person they are, you can have a positive impact on their self-esteem. Why? If your child senses you are upset because of who they are as a person rather than their behavior, this can affect their self-esteem negatively. Make sure you use "I" in situations like this as it can help. Try something like, "I do not appreciate it when you leave your toys all over the room" which is focusing on the behavior, rather than, "You're a slob," which in essence is attacking their character.

Allow your child to make some decisions. Children find themselves in situations where adults are continually telling them what to do, where to go, when they need to do something, and more. Giving children choices, even if they are small, helps them learn to be self-reliant. After all, you do not want your child to be an adult and feel as if they need to depend on others for direction. Giving your child simple choice such as clothing (you offer a couple of appropriate outfits and allow them to choose the one they like) or choosing their lunch item can help your child to think independently.

Encourage your child to try new things. Of course, there is nothing wrong with fostering your child's talents since this helps to build self-esteem, but it is also important that a child learns to experiment. When you encourage your child to try new things, he or she overcomes the fear of the unknown and helps them to better deal with success and failure. If your child never learns to try new things, it can affect them later in life. Simply put, most people do not live in a world where everything is the same day in and day out. Life is about change, this can mean moving to a new city, or starting a new career. Children that are experienced at trying new things, react more purposively when bigger transitions happen, such as leaving college and starting their career.

Of course, these are only a few examples of the ways that you can help to develop your children's self-confidence. The most important aspect to remember is that it is a continual process. The little things you do while they are growing up all add up, even if they do not seem very important at the time. It is important to keep this in mind because developing your child's self-esteem can seem like a huge task, but it doesn't have to be! Take the time to recognize the wonderful person your child is and combine this with a few techniques as well as consistency and it will go a long way in raising a healthy and confident adult.