How to Deal With a Spouse Cheating on You With One of Your Family Members

We have all been there, reading articles online about how difficult it is to learn of a spouse’s betrayal and infidelity. Beyond heartbreaking, the pain is not something that anyone can even begin to imagine because it is so insurmountable. Unfortunately, cheating and betrayal is all too common in relationships, both long-standing and short-term, and when you are faced with the truth, it will feel like your entire reality is crumbling before you. When your spouse cheats on you with one of your family members, the pain becomes magnified because the trust you had in two people you loved becomes shattered. With this said, the ground beneath your feet is going to feel like it is falling away, so here are some steps you should do in order to deal with your cheating spouse.

Step One: Make Sure You Have Evidence

If you know for sure that your spouse is cheating on you with a family member, whether that be because someone saw them and told you, or because you have evidence, then you can move on to deciding on whether you want to try to save your relationship with your spouse. However, if you do not have the hard evidence, don’t pack up right away and move out. This can lead to wondering if you made the right decision further down the line. Instead, wait it out and see if you can find evidence. Do not confront your partner without evidence as this has a high probability of leading to lies and denial.

Step Two: Address Your Relationship

Once you have proof of the affair, you have to address the issues that this affair brings up for your marriage. You will need to decide if you want to and are willing to work on saving the marriage. If both of you decide to move forward with reconciling the marriage, then measures need to be put in place so that the other family member cannot contact your spouse easily. This can include ceasing all contact with them, blocking out numbers, blocking e-mails, and removing them from social media channels. You should also get your spouse to commit to letting you know immediately if the other family member tries to contact him or her.

Step Three: Decide Where Your Trust Lands

If you are having trouble with step two, addressing your relationship, this may because you can’t decide on whether you are willing to trust your spouse again. If you are unable to come to the decision that you are willing to put trust back into this person, then reconciling the relationship may not be in your best interest. This is because a marriage without trust will be miserable and toxic. You have to take a deep look inward and ask yourself if you are truly okay with what your spouse has done. This comes down to self-respect and loving yourself.

Step Four: Understand the Familial Stakes That Are At Hand

Keep in mind that you will not be able to completely block the other family member out of your life. This is because they may be present at life events such as funerals and weddings. You and your spouse will need to come up with a solution that best suits your marriage for how you want to deal with these encounters. The aim here is to at least find a civil ground that everyone can remain on while at these types of events. Other than this, do not expect to get too much support from the family as they may try to get you to pick sides with regards to forgiveness. Unfortunately, when people take sides, a familial dividing line will appear and this can cause more trouble than good. With this said, make sure that the decisions you make are yours and not the choice of another family member.

Step Five: Be Ready to Give Your Spouse an Ultimatum

If for some reason you do decide to stick with your spouse, whether that be because the familiar stakes are too high, be because you want to trust them again, or whether it be a combination of the above, make sure you are willing to give an ultimatum. If your spouse continues to have the affair, you need to be able to give them an ultimatum and stick with it. This could be anything from ceasing all contact with the other person, to telling you their whereabouts at all times, to going to counseling with you. If they choose to continue the affair after an ultimatum has been given, then you need to walk away from them regardless of the pain and familiar stakes at hand. Other clues that the relationship may be at an end include the inability to forgive them, anger that does not cease, a spouse that cannot empathize with you, constant fighting, and a lack of re-connection. rnOther than the steps above, if you choose to reconcile with your spouse, make sure that you set up boundaries about all relationships outside of the marriage, consider seeking help from a counselor, and encourage your partner to be open with you about their emotions and needs. This can only be done though if you are willing to put trust back into your spouse and they are willing to cease all cheating behavior.