How to Deal With Difficult People That Accuse You When They Are Doing The Wrong

Most of us know someone who accuses us of wrong-doing whenever we ask that they do what they should have done. For example, you may have a colleague who should have finished some work by a certain deadline, and your part of the work depends on their finished work. And when you ask for their work, they accuse you of being domineering, complain about you to HR, or just say that you are not their boss, or something like that. Or maybe you have a friend of loved one that was going to look after your pet or plants while you were away, and nearer the time, when you asked them when to deliver your house keys to them, they blast you with being too demanding and that you should not assume they will do the task, and so on. Or maybe you were having a conversation with and they seem convinced that you are wrong, even though you know that you are right. Sounds familiar? Read on...

Simply pointing out to them that you were relying on them, that they had agreed to help, that you are not the person making demands (as in the case of the colleague who leaves you stranded without their part of the work done), or that research shows that your argument is correct; this is not going to get you anywhere, as this person convinces even themselves that they are a victim and you are the bully. Or they may deliberately be playing you for whatever reason. They may not even see that there is a problem, let alone that they, not you, are the ones who have created it.

So what are you supposed to do?

First of all, understand that this is a problem with psychological issues that we may not understand. They need help, and will not respond to reason.

Secondly, know that defence mechanisms are used by them against you to protect or defend themselves from emotional hurt. Passive-aggressive type people use a variety of manoeuvres to get what they want, whilst at the same time, protecting themselves from perceived harm or criticism. They do not care about the truth, about your feelings, or the consequences of their actions for others. They only think of themselves.

Thirdly, do not respond to them if you can help it. If it is a work situation, log it and see the HR manager or your boss as soon as possible, as this person may beat you to it (they are the supposed victim, remember?). If it is a "friend", well, you may need to spring-clean your friendships and find people more on your level.

Last but not least, use EFT Tapping or any similar energy modality so you can let go of the hurt done to you. Otherwise, the resentment may build up, you may start ignoring your work, or you may start losing confidence in social situations. Tap it out. Don't let this person get to you. Let it go.