How to Deal With Loneliness

Are you scared to be alone? First of all, let me tell you that it is perfectly natural for you to have these feelings. I remember that just the thought of having a Friday night with no plans terrified me - not to mention actually enduring it. What happens is this: Your mind stops being busy with activity - activity - activity! You then have some space to remember and feel that your heart is broken. It's uncomfortable. It hurts. Therefore, in order to escape the pain, you do another activity - activity - activity! You keep yourself so preoccupied because you're afraid of your feelings and you're not sure how to deal with loneliness. Well, I've got news for you. You won't be able to run away and eventually, they'll find you.

It could be six months from now when you're at the grocery store and you can't find your favorite brand of lima beans and ~ whoosh! ~ there they are and you're sobbing in front of the stock boy. Or it could be three months from now when you're on a date with someone else and realize that your ex would never pick his teeth with a straw like this guy sitting across from you ~ whoosh! ~ you find yourself tearing up and passing it off on the onions in your dish. You see a pattern here? They will find a way to get you ~ if you don't get them first!

So here are some tricks for spending time alone:

1. Find a movie that you have on DVD and love. My personal favorite is Grumpier Old Men. It's hysterical. I can't watch it and be sad. Find a movie like that for yourself. Even if you're not going to be in the same room as the TV, just have it on in the background. You'll find yourself listening to it and chuckling.

2. Get a great book or magazine ~ something uplifting and fun. Read it while your movie is in the background.

3. Order in some great food or make yourself a dish you love. Enjoy it. Really. I should probably point out that a quart of marshmallow fudge ice cream does not constitute a meal.

4. Write a little journal entry about all the things in your life you’re grateful for. I know this sounds cheesy but it’s great to focus on all you have going for you ~ even with a broken heart.

5. Breathe. If you sense that you’re starting to feel sad, take a deep breath. Give yourself a time limit. Say, “Okay. I’m going to let myself feel sad for 10 minutes. After that, I’m going to finish this magazine.” It’s really important here to stick to the time limit. You don’t want the entire night turning into a downward spiral. You are strong. You can get through 10 minutes of sadness but then change your focus right away.

If the thought of being ALONE really freaks you out, you could:

1. Go to a bookstore and buy the aforementioned good book or magazine. Sometimes, just getting out among people makes you feel better. The employees at the bookstore in my neighborhood were my Friday night buddies for quite a while. I did feel better, though, getting out for a bit.
2. Go to a coffee shop to read the aforementioned good book or magazine. Again, getting out in any form can lift your spirits.
I know that it may sound unbelievable to you now but I believe that someday you will be comfortable alone. You will be peaceful and calm and happy by yourself. I got to the point where I really craved alone time. It felt weird at first because I had gone out of my way to avoid it. However, I soon became my own best friend. I got myself through the tough times. I trusted myself to do it again.
I hope this helps! Shine on!