How to Face up to Your Self-Doubt and Feelings of Worthlessness After Cheating on Your Spouse

After an affair the focus is often on the person who was cheated on. The person who had the affair is often left to manage their emotions on their own. Yet, an affair is an emotional time for both of you. If you’ve had an affair you may feel confused. You may be hurt, angry and resentful. You may also feel tremendous guilt, self doubt and experience feelings of worthlessness. Managing these emotions is essential not only to your own mental health but also to the health of your marriage.

Why You May Be Experiencing These Emotions

Affairs happen for a number of reasons. One of the most common reasons is a loss of connection with your spouse or partner. When you feel a connection with someone else, an affair can happen. Once the affair is over you may be back to square one. Not only do you not have an emotional connection with your spouse but they’re also very hurt and angry with you. There’s nowhere to place your emotions and no one to express them to.

How Do You Face these Negative Emotions?

The first step is to be honest with yourself about what you’re feeling. Trying to push your emotions aside won’t help anyone. There are different ways to assess what you’re feeling. One is to start journaling. Often, simply writing down what you’re feeling will help you release the emotions. Another way to assess your feelings is to talk to a professional. This may be the first step to couples’ counseling. And if a counselor isn’t right for you, a marriage coach or even an online marriage infidelity recovery program can help both of you find your way back to each other.

Focus on the Positive and Look to the Future

Self doubt, guilt, and feelings of worthlessness are common. You made a mistake, a big one. However, holding onto the mistake and beating yourself up won’t do you or your spouse any good. You cannot wipe away the mistake and pretend it never happened. However, you can focus on the positive and strive to do your best each and every day. Strive to be the best partner you can be. Show your spouse, on a daily basis, that you’re willing to work hard to regain their trust. You can also take time each day to focus on what’s great about you and what is good in your life. Again, talking to someone and writing down your thoughts can be helpful. You might also consider creating a gratitude journal. Create a journaling habit and write down not only what you’re grateful for but also what you like about yourself. You might journal about something positive that you accomplished that day or something you’re proud of. By creating a habit to focus on the positive it helps you let go of the negative emotions of self doubt and worthlessness. These negative emotions are natural to experience. However, they can get in the way of healing. Allow yourself to experience them, and then take steps to let them go and look to the future.