How To Get Through The Holidays With Your Ex

The holidays are a difficult time for many. They are the time of the year that more abuse and crimes against loved ones occur. How can we get through the holidays with as little stress as possible, when our children and families are split up? Remember today is a gift that is why it is called THE PRESENT! Letting go of the past is key to being able to live in the present. When you are having conversations with your ex partner do so privately not around the children. Whenever possible e-mail or leave a pleasant voice mail, never write or leave a message in anger. You will regret it after the fact. Whenever there is an action there will be an equal reaction. So think twice before leaving that bitchy message or writing that snarling e-mail you so want to. You do not want to start an avalanche of negativity flowing your way. Take a deep breath before responding. Always remember if you are having a reaction to something your ex has said, the issue is YOURS. Yes if you are triggered by something that your ex has said, it is your issues that are coming to the surface. Nearly 99% of the time the issue has something to do with your past - authority figures like your parents or grandparents that trigger a response in you now when your ex pushes your buttons ever so gracefully.

As much as you might want to call your ex names and sling mud, it does not help. It is much better to move on and let it go. Do not take it personally. When you can let the verbal assaults and manipulation wash over you without reacting you are so much better off. Take it from me, I have had 4 ex's and I have lots of experience in this regard. The holidays leave an imprint in our memory far greater than any other time of year. Make your children's memories pleasant and happy by being mature, and focused on what the children need, instead of what your ex has done. It is no wonder so many people dread the holiday season because of past events that come up as soon as the tree is put up and the decorations are hung.
10 WAYS TO MAKE THE HOLIDAYS HAPPIER WITH YOUR EX
Make The Most of The Holiday Season For Your Kid's Saker
Whatever you do affects your children. If you can be an adult and kind to your ex, your children benefit.

Do not leave angry messages or voice mails. Its over. Let it go. Move on.
If your kids tell you stories about your ex, call and verify that it is true before taking action or getting angry. It might not be true. Verify first.
Keep to your Divorce agreement.
Be on time. Drop off and pick up your children when you are supposed to. Be a grown up here.
Do not say negative things to your kids about your ex. Remember that they are made up of both of you. If you diss your ex you are dissing your kids too.
Don't bring home every Tom, Dick, or Susan that you are dating to meet your children. Believe me your kids don't want to meet him/her as much as you want them to.
Allow your ex to see his/her children during their visitation rotation. It is important that your children knows both parents.
Don't get drunk or high when your children are around. There is plenty of time for that when they are grown or not with you.
Whatever you focus on expands. So focus on what you want more of. Not what you don’t want. Wherever you put your energy there will be increase or expansion - be it fighting, peace, kindness. Choose consciously where you put your attention.

REMEMBER

if you were abused by a spouse you have fears and low self esteemr
If you were the abuser you have issues from your childhood or possible control issues and abuse from childhood.

Stop blaming other people for everything and take responsibility for you.
Positive Attituder
Its Not Personalr
Focus on What you Wantr
Happy Holidays!