How to go from a distant disaster to happily ever after

Are you wondering why your relationship has become distant? Or perhaps it has just spiralled out of hand? This article will help you to understand the first step to creating something new. Did you know that one of the biggest drivers of relationship break down is the fear of abandonment? This fear causes individuals to become needy, controlling, manipulative, bullying, jealous, insecure, vulnerable, anxious and unattractive, to name a few. This increases the chances of destroying the relationship leading to the very thing the individual fears in the first place – i.e. abandonment. This fear is rooted in old negative memories of earlier abandonment, rejection, abuse, neglect, bullying, humiliation, etc. that behave like painful “emotional landmines” that leave one permanently incapacitated throughout life. It is now possible to completely delete such negative memories along with the fear itself to restore yourself and your relationships back to permanent health. Negative memories of abandonment, rejection, bullying, neglect, etc. are stored in the subconscious mind/body and from there they serve and act as the “evidence” for negative self beliefs as: I’m unlovable, I’m defective, I’m deficient, I’m inadequate, I’m useless, I’m unwanted, I’m unworthy, and so on. This severely compromises one’s self esteem, self worth, self confidence, sense of wholeness, and leaves them feeling deficient and defective as a person. These are felt as the familiar feeling of emptiness that many people, without realising it, attempt each day to compensate for through the “use” and “abuse” of one addictive substance, activity or person.rnThe addictions are supposed to soothe and therefore numb the old emotional pain (i.e. the emptiness, sadness, anger, weakness, helplessness, etc.) associated with the negative memories stored within. One of the more common addictions as mentioned, is to other people who one might turn to for comfort, emotional support, reassurance, love, caring, security, and so on. Many so called “relationships” are founded on unspoken emotional contracts where one person serves as the “soother” and the other as the “soothee”. What often happens is that individuals often reciprocate these roles so that at one time a partner may, for example be the “soother” and at another time assume the role of the “soothee”. This reciprocation, what many refer to as “love”, is actually a form or mutual exploitation.rnI’m sure it’s clear that what I am describing here is the familiar co-dependent scenario where the two partners are essentially “co-addicted”. As with any addiction there is a great feeling of insecurity in the partners because each depends on the presence of the other in order to feel “soothed”. This is where the fear of abandonment comes into the picture. This fear and the insecurities it is associated with often lead one to engage unhealthy controlling, manipulative and unattractive needy behaviours in order to secure the presence and attention of the other partner. As mentioned, such strategies lead to conflicted and toxic relationships that are damaging to the relationship and to the partners. So how does one remedy this situation, you ask?rnWell, you will recall that all these insecurities stem from the old emotional pain from past negative memories stored within the mind/body. A decade ago while exploring the nature of how negative memories are stored within it was discovered that they could rapidly, easily, permanently and completely be erased or deleted with a simple question and answer algorithm. The net effect of this was that it helped to restore an individual to their “pre-traumatised” or whole, authentic, resilient, empowered, worthy, lovable, self respecting state of being. This “state” was recognised as being the person’s Authentic Self, the self they were supposed to manifest in this life before they were rudely shocked by early life circumstances that caused them to abandon themselves. In this restored and empowered state all neediness, fear and insecurities disappeared to be replaced by feelings of wholeness, emotional independence, strength, self love, self-esteem, self respect, self worth, resilience, and the ability to make empowered and discerning healthy relationship (and other) choices. This, it was realised, was the answer to all self-esteem issues as well as to the end of all co-dependency issues and has ushered in a new era where the potential for healthy authentic co-creative relationships is only just beginning to be expressed. To learn more about how you can begin to move yourself and your relationships down this road to health contact me via the link below to request an introductory 1 hour telephone/Skype coaching consultation.