How to Let Go Of the Memories of Your Spouses Narcissistic Behavior

Virtually every individual who sustains a marriage with a narcissistic individual believes they had met their dream partner. In the idealising stage they believed this person loved, adored and totally supported them. However, when the veneer of the narcissistic spouse’s false self wears off, the narcissistic individual’s true nature emerges and delivers intense devaluing, malicious punishment and pathological lying. Inevitably a narcissistic relationship fails. Either the narcissist abandons the scene as a result of the threat of abandonment, where he or she will strike first, because his or her partner is not sufficiently feeding the narcissist’s need for worthiness, recognition or approval, or because the partner has not option other than to leave in order to save themselves from the horrendous abuse. Narcissistic abuse recovery is not like recoveryfrom a normal relationship breakdown. The victim of narcissistic abuse feels soul violated, and can be suffering the effects of C-PTSD, and extreme addiction, obsession and many other physical and anxiety disorders. His or her faith in life, self and love may feel shattered. Often there is also substantial financial and security loss as well as emotional and mental anguish. The obsession of longing for the dream partner (the times when the narcissistic individual was ‘wonderful’), and / or the feelings of pain and betrayal can be intense, all-consuming and seriously diminish the ability to recover and rebuild an individual’s life. In my work on narcissistic abuse recovery with thousands of people world-wide, as well as myself, I have discovered that our limiting beliefs were in fact a perfect match for a narcissistic relationship, hence why we co-created one. These limiting beliefs are many and convoluted, and primarily were to do with the seeking of love, approval and worthiness from another, instead of being a true source to our self. When we dedicate to deeply working on our healing, and the transforming of our inner parts, which prior to this self-commitment had never been fully embraced, recognised and healed, an incredible transformation occurs. The irony is, if hadn’t been for our narcissistic abuse experience, we would never have had this opportunity. By dedicating to our healing, we can release our unhealed parts, claim our true inner identity and therefore the ability to feel whole, ‘full’ and empowered. By doing so we lose all pain, attraction and memories to the previous narcissistic relationship and reality. Truly narcissistic abuse is a ‘make’ or ‘break’ experience. We can graduate to a much higher level of self, where the memories no longer carry the painful charge of ‘this was a person who hurt me’, and instead can become ‘this was a lesson which allowed me to heal and evolve.’