How To Make A Relationship Work When You’re Afraid

Ah, love. Whether you’re in the infatuation stage, a newlywed, or having some troubled times in your marriage, it’s normal to ask, “How long is my relationship going to last?”

I’ve had several couples lately – some in a pretty new relationship and others who have been together for decades – and as I dig deeper to find out what’s causing this constant questioning, the number one thing I come up with is: fear.

https://youtu.be/tnH9OMQgKW4

The fears that come up a lot are:

“I’m afraid it won’t work out, and I’m not even sure how to make a relationship work. We’re having these problems now and I’m not sure whether this is the right person for me. If it were the right person for me, I’d be able to feel it and know it, wouldn’t I?”

If you have these fears, your mind is wanting to figure out what the odds are that this commitment is going to pay off a return over the long haul.

Guess what? You can’t ever know. Are you surprised? Were you expecting a list of relationship tips to predict how long you’ll be together?

Even as a relationship architect with 21 years of experience, I can’t give you that.

You can’t know that who you’re with is going to be the right one for the rest of your life.

If you think you can really gauge that, or that relationship tips out there are going to help you do that, it’s your mind going off into the future, wanting to be able to “game the table”.

I believe people need to be asking “How long should my relationship last?” and looking deeper into questions like:

How easy is it for me to be with this person more often than not?

How free do I feel to be me?

How free do I feel to be authentic and vulnerable?

This is equally relevant if you’re looking for a new partner, if you’re in a new relationship, or if you’ve been married for ages.

You want to feel free enough to bring all of yourself to the table if you want to make your relationship work – even the stuff you’re afraid to share.

If you’re having fun, have chemistry, and enjoy being with the other person, give your relationship an even better shot by taking away the pressure that it has to last until your dying day.

It’s not taking away from your commitment, but it’s certainly taking away some of that fear.