How to Make People Change

To be perfectly honest, the title is a lie. In all truth, we cannot make people change. It’s impossible. The very thought is devilish; didn’t Satan want to force us to do what he wanted, and take away our ability to choose? We cannot make people change, but as long as we are doing it for the right reasons, we can help motivate people to want to change. Every person has an idea of how they should act, or who they should be. These ideals are their perceptions of morality, based on how much they know about right and wrong. However,rnwe do not always do what we should do. All too often there is a gap between what we should do and what we actually do. The effect of this gap is what I call Moral Dissonance. Moral dissonance is when we don’t do what we know we should do. Moral dissonance makes people feel guilty and uncomfortable. When people are in a state of moral dissonance, their progression is slowed or stopped, so the need for growth is left unfilled. They feel empty and unclean. What this means is that as long as people know what they should be doing, they already want to change, in order to get out of their state of Moral Dissonance. For every action anyone takes, there is a reason behind it. We eat because we have the desire to eat. We breathe because we need to in order to live, and because it is a habit. Forrneverything we do, there is a reason WHY. Change is difficult; it hurts. That’s the way it’s supposed to be; we cannot grow without discomfort or pain. People don’t just go through that pain for no reason. There are always reasons WHY they want to change, and WHY they don’t. When we focus on the reasons why we DON’T want to change, it brings those reasons to the forefront of our minds, making them appear bigger. Then they seem to outweigh any reasons why we do want to change, and we are stuck in the same state we were before, guilty and unfulfilled. People generally use two methods to try to get people to change: 1. They repeatedly tell them to change, or do something differently. 2. They ask them “Why not?” These methods don’t work. They make people more and more resistant to change! Being repeatedly told what they SHOULD be doing makes them feel like you are trying to force them to change, so they naturally resist. Also, showing them how they should be living reminds them of their Moral Dissonance, making the gap seem wider and more difficult to cross. Asking people “Why not?” reminds them of all the reasons they don’t want to change. If we are constantly reminded of the reasons why we DON’T want to change we probably willrnnever change. People change only when the reasons WHY they want to change outweigh the reasons WHY they DON’T want to change. So instead of reminding people what they should be doing, or why they don’t do it, we should help give people a reason why they should change. Now I’m not suggesting that we offerrnsome incentive for them to change. If people are only doing things for some reward, the change may not be permanent. Once the reward is gone, they might go back to their old ways. Also, offering a reward makes them think that they are not deserving of the reward unless they make a change. This makes them feel that their worth or value is dependent upon making the change you want them to make. Often the most powerful reason WHY someone wants to change is because they have a vision of what it would be like after they change. Coming closer to doing what you should be doing is always difficult, but after the difficultly things always get better. Here are three ways to help people to want to change: 1. The basis behind this concept is unconditional love, or pure charity. This love has no animosity towards anyone. Weaknesses are seen as things that will be overcome with good. All good qualities about the person should be praised and focused upon, while the weaknesses are, for the most part, overlooked. If someone feels that they are loved perfectly, they will want to change. Love is the most powerful motivator in the universe. Their deep psychological needs will begin to be filled, and all their reasons why NOT to change will begin to disappear. 2. Focus on the reasons WHY they want to change. This can be done by asking questions and talking about their deepest motivators for change. The simplest and most effective method is to repeatedly and lovingly ask “Why?”rnAs you ask again and again they will move levels deeper and deeper into their motivational reasoning. Love them like they had already made the change. As you genuinely discuss their deep motives they will talk about and focus on why they do want to change. As they focus on these, they are brought to the forefront of their mind,rnmaking these reasons appear bigger. Soon the WHY will outweigh the WHY NOT. In most cases the deepest reason they have to change is because of love. That is why increasing this love is so important. 3. Change yourself There is only one person in the entire universe you can directly change. But remember to use the principles we’ve discussed even when you try to change yourself. Focus on the reasons why you want to change, rather than the reasons you don’t want to change. Love yourself despite your weaknesses, and know that you will overcome them. As you change for the better you will become happier and more comfortable with yourself. You will learn more and more and be able to progress farther and farther. People willrnsee how happy you are and they will want that for themselves. You will have become an inspiration for people to change. As you continue to progress your joy will become unrestrained and you will become filled with love. Your love will motivate others to change; you will become a vessel of light, sharing your joy with everyone who you come in contact with. And so we all shall continue rising together in righteousness and happiness. We will have become catalysts for change, examples whereon others place their trust so they can learn and grow. Our joy will grow and grow, until we shall rise up with the righteous and be received into the merciful arms of our Lord, he who is the ultimate giver of love, and the perfect motivator for progression.