How To Manage Grief From The Loss Of A Loved One

When we lose someone we love, we go through a complex grieving process. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may go from shock to anger and denial, to disbelief, resentment and guilt, to profound sadness and depression, from great remorse and loneliness, and finally acceptance.

Grief is a natural response and everyone is different, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some days you feel comforted and strong. Other times, you will need a personal place to mourn.

The pain of grief can disrupt your physical health, causing you to lose sleep, and making it difficult to eat, or even think straight. These are normal reactions to loss - and the more significant the loss, the more profound your grief will be.

No matter the loss, your pet, a relationship, spouse, close friend, a divorce, a family member, or relative, it is painful thus normal to grieve the loss. And, it's absolutely essential if you want to eventually move on with your life.

Here is what you may go through when grieving and how to manage those horrid emotions.

Denial

Denial is the buffering agent that masks our pain at the first shock of a loss; it helps numb you to the intensity of the situation.

For instance: You may fantasize the one you lost will call to say there's been a mistake and nothing really happened.

If it's a parent that passed, you may believe that someday you will run into him or her at a place they socialized with others.

If its a breakup, you might convince yourself your partner will regret leaving and come back to you.

If its a pet that you dearly loved, you may tell yourself that they are still very much alive and will return to your doorstep hungry one day soon.

While denial is a normal part of grieving a loss, it can leave a person stuck. After a time, it's important to face that your loved one is gone and take an honest look at how you feel.

As you accept the reality of the loss, you are unknowingly beginning the healing process.

You are becoming stronger, and the denial is beginning to fade. But as you proceed, all the emotions you've been hiding will begin to rise. You'll be confronted with a lot of sorrow you've denied. That is part of the journey of grief, and can be difficult.

Pain Often Turns Into Anger

Often we feel angry when someone we love dies. Angry at being abandoned, angry at the anguish of the pain, angry that our life has changed, angry that managing grief is so difficult, and angry that the world suddenly seems different - empty, unsafe, or lonely.

This type of anger is a natural emotion. It's just one of many intense emotions in response to losing someone you love. Those intense feelings need to be expressed, not denied.

Pent up anger can lead to depression, paranoia, and passive-aggressive behavior. It destroys relationships, families, and cripples our ability to build deep connections with others because we push people away from getting close.

You need to admit that you're angry, this may be all that it takes to dissipate that intense emotion. Or, you may need say you're angry and express aloud all the narratives and emotions before those feelings resolve or dissipate.

Talking to a close friend, relative, or counselor about your anger, instead of running away, suppressing, or swallowing that intense emotion can help.

Guilt

Almost everyone tortures themselves with guilt by asking what they did wrong, how they might have prevented the loss, or some other form of self-condemnation. In short, grief makes us feel like our emotions have gone haywire because, in many ways, they have. Over time, however, you will regain a measure of equilibrium.

Depression

Losing someone you love can take you into a deep depression. Where there once was beautiful skies, flowers blooming along a hill side, or green leaves flourishing on a tree, everything turned black and dreary.

Depression is a serious mental health condition and effects every aspect of your body and well-being.

The pain of depression leads to heart disease, stroke, cancer and diabetes. It can increase your chance of premature death. It can also ruin relationships, cause problems at work, and make it difficult to overcome serious illnesses.

Don't let depression take you over. We can't control all of our circumstances, and we will never be completely free from experiencing pain or disappointment, but we don't have to let what happens today ruin our tomorrow.

We have a choice. We can actually turn things around by making a decision to let go of the situations that caused our depression, and move toward the good things that have been prepared for our future.

Loneliness

Losing someone you love can cause overwhelming feelings of loneliness. Loneliness is a giant cause of suffering for grieving people. Loneliness is an epidemic in today's world and no one knows this reality more than the griever.

Loneliness is associated with post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, as well as other mental and physical disorders. No matter the loss that is causing your pain, you are very much alone in how it impacts your mental and physical well-being.

If you have lost a spouse, pet, or another family member that lived in your home, your home will feel empty like something is missing, because something is. This takes time to process and manage. But when you look at everything else around you, that is also precious to you, you can eventually find peace and joy in your spirit.

This is not the time to sit around all day and mourn, get out there and meet people. You need them for your survival. Barbra Streisand's song said it best "Those who need people are the luckiest, (most blessed) people in the world.

And you will find that they may need you too. They can help you fill the gap of loneliness and give you something else to live for, for up until now, you haven't felt like that because of the pain that has been so embedded in your heart.

Acceptance

Often the final stage of grief, acceptance occurs as a person begins to come to terms with the loss. In most cases, they are starting to move on with their life and are not preoccupied with the loss.

Push Against Your Grief

One of the easiest ways to fight grief is to simply get up and move. Don't just lie there with those excruciating thoughts in your mind. Whether you go for a walk, do some light exercise, or even get active with yard work or chores, physical activity can improve the way you feel.

Push against your grief by doing something you love - something that's pleasurable or meaningful. It could be playing an instrument, painting, hiking, or biking. Try to incorporate an activity you enjoy doing into your day-to-day routine - something that has meaning or purpose such as a hobby or reading something you like.

Laughter is something that releases amazing positive chemicals in our brain. It helps the wiring of the brain, and is a great relief to every part of our central nervous system, and helps us to cope with life in a way that few things can.

Relaxation and is something you need to do every single day. Be intentional about setting aside time daily to do something that you find relaxing. Whether it is reading, cooking, gardening, walking, or anything else that you can do to take your mind away to a calm place.

Have fun. Allowing yourself to have fun is very restorative. And it is very important that you realize that if you go out and have some fun that you're not disrespecting the one you lost, or being disloyal to them. There is something comforting about doing something that you've enjoyed doing for a long time, or trying something new that you've always wanted to try.

So even though maybe you don't feel like it, particularly at first, be intentional about getting out there and having some fun.

Support group. All of us can benefit from being in some sort of a support group, a home group, or a bible study where we are connecting and revealing ourselves to other people. A support group that is specifically designed for people who are grieving is invaluable as we share our feelings with people who have been through exactly the same thing that we are going through. So look up what's available for you. Support groups are powerful.

One of the things that has helped me through the multitude of losses in my life is knowing, "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5. That truth has always set me free from the agony of grief and joy did come in the new light of the morning sun.

Prayer

Prayer is a powerful tool for grief. Ask God for strength to help you through this nightmare of suffering, and to heal you. That is a prayer He will not deny you.

Conclusion

If you don't get up and out of the darkness, it will swallow you alive. If you stay stuck in your grief, you'll be good for no one, not even yourself. And believe me, there is a world out there who really needs you.

Once you rise up and out of the darkness, you will have a strength that will enable you to climb mountains and do things you could have never done before.
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