How to Sabotage Sex Therapy

As a practicing sex therapist, I never can understand how so many people expect that sex therapy will work in one session! These people are expecting a “magic wand” solution. Well there is no magic wand except for the willingness to do your own work and change your thinking, your attitude, your feelings and your behavior!

Here are the typical ways that people sabotage their sex therapy program:

Their erroneous thinking and negative attitude

It’s just too hard, too much work and too complicated.
It will lead to conflict with my partner so I better just put up with it.
No one else really has a good sex life either, so we are just normal.
He/she is such a nice person/ nurturer/good provider/great status symbol/loyal partner/so culturally suited to me – that the fact that we don’t have a good sex life doesn’t really matter.
I don’t really believe that I deserve/can have an outstanding sex-life so being mediocre and predictable in sex is good enough.

1. Their negative feelings that block their progress and lower their sexual self-esteem and confidence

Embarrassment and Inadequacy, Guilt, Fear, Disgust, Resentment, Anger.

Their negative behaviours

Practicing Unsafe Sex and Sex that is NOT SuperSex.
Forgetting their appointments with themselves, each other, or their therapist.
Forgetting to bring their homework to the therapist.
Breaking their agreements.
Always coming up with excuses for why sex wasn’t possible.
Going to bed earlier or later than their partner to avoid sex.
Angrily attacking their partner when they attempt to talk about sex.
Demanding sex which hurts their partner and is not SuperSex.
Obsessively talking about sex inappropriately.

Example:

Rick was a TV star and his wife worked in sales. He was suffering from premature ejaculation. Every week there was a new excuse for why they couldn’t do their sex homework practice.

Week 1 they had had friends from overseas to stay and were out all of the time and up late, drinking.
Week 2 she had had her period and they never had any sexual contact then.
Week 3 he had had the flu.
Week 4 her mother came to stay and you can’t have sex with your parent in the house –after all what would they think of you if they found out?
Week 5 they bought a puppy. As anyone who ever had a new puppy would know, they miss their mother and so you have to let them sleep in your bedroom and they keep you awake with their whimpering and you couldn’t possibly have sex…ad infinitum.

After six weeks they dropped out of therapy. After 6 months I saw his marriage breakdown splashed across the front page of the TV tabloid newspaper.