How to Set Boundaries

One thing that has always amazed me is the way people view setting boundaries. People view setting boundaries as being mean, cruel, and/or having other negative connotations. People also view boundary setting as something done only to hurt other people.

I challenge these views for two reasons. The first reason is the entire reason for setting boundaries is to protect and keep safe, and this is true in relationships as well. We set boundaries for children does that make us mean? We set boundaries for our spouses does that mean we don't trust them?

We often don't set boundaries for ourselves and this is a huge problem! By failing to set boundaries for ourselves we are hurting our relationships. We are giving away our power to others and allowing situations to occur that cause us pain and suffering.

Set good boundaries for yourself! Decide what you will and will not take into yourself. Sit down and do this in a boundary setting journal and then enforce the boundaries. Boundaries are healthy and protect our relationships from destruction by any cause.

When setting boundaries ask yourself:

What am I tolerating?
What do I need to stop tolerating?
How do I need to change to stop tolerating this?
How does tolerating this serve me?
Who will I have to become to stop tolerating this?
These questions will guide you in setting good boundaries. Boundaries are more effective if you word them positively. For example a boundary I set for myself is, "I aside all time from 7pm on Monday-Thursday to spend time with my husband." I find this works better than saying, "I won't work after 7pm Monday-Thursday."

Restructuring my boundary language allows my unconscious mind to process it correctly.