How To Stop Being Controlling In Your Life

There isn’t much we can control in our lives except our attitude and some days even that can be a struggle.

Not being able to direct how things are going, or going to go, or what people may do, can frequently be scary for people. As a result they might try to control just about everyone and/or everything in their life.

You can’t dictate how long you will live, or if you or someone else will become ill, or whether you or another person will lose his/her job, or home, or if someone moves, or someone asks you to leave, or someone passes away, or even if you can get somewhere on time, etc.

You can try with all your might to hold onto someone or to a belief of how things should be, but that doesn’t mean things will work out the way you hoped.

The best of intentions for yourself or another sometimes just don’t work out and that’s the way of it whether you agree with it or not.

You can try to control other people and situations, and you might even succeed for a period of time, but let’s face it, in the end others may do as they please and events don’t always turn out as planned.

Sometimes the simplest thing like a regular day, which you believe you may be able to regulate, can quickly change from the time you wake in the morning. I’m sure you have experienced one of those days where things go from calm to chaos.

Think of the word “control” for a minute… when you do, can you feel a quality of power in it? “I’m in control”.

If you are feeling powerful, then you don’t have to feel powerless or fearful of what the outcomes might be.

Often when something in a person’s life feels out of control, he/she finds something or someone they can have power over, generally something about themselves, another person, or in their immediate life.

There is a big difference between being in power, being powerless, or being empowered.

If you are in power, or in other words, in control, then you might feel a certain strength or okayness; a sense that YOU can handle things, that YOU are in the drivers seat, that YOU are directing how things should be or go.

If you are feeling powerless, you may be controlled by others, or you may be over-controlling trying to compensate for your feelings of inadequacy or fear.

When you are empowered, you recognize your need to control and there is a willingness to just let go. As they say, “Let go and let God”.

So why do we want to control what happens in our lives or someone else’s? Often, it can be that we don’t trust.

We don’t trust ourselves, another person, or a situation; we/they can get hurt, or we can lose our power. We become fearful of how things will be. If we try to have control over people and/or things, then we don’t feel so out of control or have to face our fears around what is occurring or not occurring in our lives.

How do you let go of your controlling behaviours? Become aware of them.

Awareness really is a key for change. It unlocks the door to freedom; the freedom to lift the weight of controlling the world and all the outcomes from your shoulders. Whew… I don’t know about you, but that is quite a relief.

Think of something or someone you are trying to control? Imagine letting go, and all the details being taken care of. How do you feel? Do you feel like a weight has been lifted?

Throughout your day ask if you are controlling a situation, person, or outcome. You might be surprised at how often you are.

Ask yourself, “Why do I want to control this person or circumstance?” “What is my fear if I don’t?” “What would happen if I just let go?”

Being a controlling person or having controlling behaviours didn’t happen ove
ight and isn’t who you are. You may have developed it as a way of feeling okay, or out of necessity, or as smoke screen to cover your fears or feelings. It probably has been a part of your life for quite sometime and you may or may not have recognized it. Be patient with yourself.

Starting today, you can begin to let it go of control by bringing your awareness to it.

Remember, you have the choice of being in power, being powerless or being empowered. Which will you choose today?

The Insight Technique assists you in seeing how you are being controlling in your life and how you can let it go.