How to Survive a Co-dependent Relationship

Co-dependency is an emotional disorder that affects individual’s personal relationships. By definition a co-dependent person is one who spends a huge amount of time focusing on other peoples needs. Often times sacrificing their desires in the process.

A co-dependent person may have addictive behaviors similar to alcoholism or drug abuse. When you are dependent on alcohol or drugs you want it so bad that you’ll do almost anything for it. The same is true of a co-dependent person. They want to be loved or liked so bad that they’ll do almost anything to make it happen.

The symptoms of co-dependency range from compromising your ideals and values for acceptance to tolerating verbal abuse and/or remaining in an abusive relationship. Here are some tips to help you regain your life. Make these survival tips a part of your plan to become free of this addiction.

1. Admit there is a problem and seek help. The first step to recovery is acknowledgment. This is difficult for some co-dependents. Most will deny that a problem exists out of fear of rejection and being verbally abused. But if you truly want a new way of life you’re going to have to initiate change. Standing up and saying you have a problem is half the battle to recovery.

2. Counseling and therapy is the next step after acknowledgement. It is essential that you find a professional trained in helping people with relationship co-dependency. You can better relate to a therapist that has some training in this field than one that is trained in general psychology.

3. Join a support group. Don’t just rely on therapy to get you through this difficult time. A support group will have a number of people dealing with the same problem you’re dealing with. You will not feel so isolated in a support group.

4. Increase your self-esteem. How? Change your thinking. Believe that you have a right to be happy. You are an individual. No one should have control over your life except you. Believe good things about yourself. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel inferior. Reject verbal assaults on your character. Write down all the good things about yourself and review the list daily.

5. Just say no. Sometimes this is easier said than done. If you’re in an abusive relationship and “no” is a trigger word that sets someone’s anger off then I suggest you find help immediately. On the other hand, if you’re allowing people to use you because you’re afraid of their disapproval then become bold enough to say “no” because they are imposing on your time. This is your life. You have to take control so you can live a happy and healthy life.

6. Set boundaries. Saying “no” and standing by your decisions is one way of setting boundaries on your time. Most people will finally respect you when you say “no”. Others will use intimidation, coercion, and fear to test you to see if you will stand your ground. Make up your mind now that whatever comes that you are going to stick with your decisions. Don’t compromise or tolerate someone hurting and taking advantage of you over and over again.

7. Learn to fulfill your own needs. Allow yourself some uninterrupted time. Put everyone else on hold, unless there are small children that need you. Otherwise stop catering to everyone else’s needs and do something for you. Try taking a day off from everyone for one day a week (maybe a Tuesday) and just work on you. Get your hair done, a pedicure, a facial or just relax and watch some TV.
This is not an all-inclusive list. But this will help you jump-start your way to recovery. You only have this one life. Make it a good one.