How To Survive The Holidays: The Gentle Art of Changing The Subject

We’re fast approaching that time of year when friend and family get-togethers and office parties are, well, obligatory. After all, you can’t exactly pretend that Thanksgiving and the Holiday Season don’t exist, and that invitations from your in-laws, workplace, friends and others can be casually ignored. Or that you can corral your beloved partner into NOT throwing a righteous “everyone welcome” Thanksgiving feast or giant Holiday party.

But then the ugly truth comes up and slaps you: how are you to pleasantly converse with those relatives, work colleagues, various invited friends and their assorted spouses, with whom you not only have nothing in common, but heartily disagree with on pretty much every subject?

Religion, politics, sports, pets, even the weather aren’t safe topics, and no, most people don’t know about, much less want to talk about, the economic and historical significance of the tulip bulb in the 1630s. Which is actually quite fascinating - but that’s a story for another day.

What To Talk About During Holiday Gatherings. Here's the thing: most people are far more interested in themselves, their thoughts, their opinions, their everything – than they are in anyone else. And yes, that includes you, me and all other sentient beings. It’s normal, it’s just an outgrowth of our survival instinct. So, use that to your advantage.

When Aunt Ida starts her usual harangue about the current administration, whether praising or condemning it, turn the spotlight back on her. Ask her, for example, what brought her to her opinion, not for the sake of debating it or arguing with her, but as if you were genuinely interested in the evolution of her thought. And sprinkle your listening with a lot of head nods and “mm-hmm” – again, expressing interest, not looking for points to use against her opinion. She’ll think you’re the best conversationalist ever, yet you never uttered a single word of your opinion.

That’s one way to change the subject. Another is, having first given a non-committal but polite head nod and “mm-hmm” to something said, comment on how lovely/cool/(insert compliment) their outfit is, where did they get it? Or go to “you know, I’ve been meaning to ask, how is your garden growing?” Or whatever hobby/work/volunteering they do is going.

Pay Attention. This means you do have to pay a modicum of attention to what that friend or relative or work colleague is all about. If you really want to pull this off well, best you spend a few moments, pre-festivity, remembering or asking someone who might know what those you are most likely to interact with are into.

Yes, it takes a little effort, and sometimes quite a bit of self-restraint. But hey, what would you prefer? Getting yourself all riled up over something said with an individual you rarely see more than once a year? Or enjoying peace of mind?

I know what I’ll choose.

For more inspiring messages, go to https://noellenelson.com/newsletters/newsletters-a-note-from-dr-noelle.