How to Understand When Your Wife Has a Problem

Are there communication problems in your marriage? Do you struggle to accept criticism or other negative feelings from your wife without getting into a defensive fit of frustration? I think you agree with me when I say that men, as a whole, are not very good at taking criticism. Of course, no one really LIKES criticism, but I feel that men handle it particularly worse than women. So, as you continue to read the rest of this article, I'd like to talk to you about the healthy way to accept criticism from your wife. This is a pivotal step in learning how to communicate with your wife effectively, and I can virtually guarantee the your marriage will see improvements because of the tips outlined below. Basically, I play the process out into a simple four step plan. Step #1 – Don't Take It Personally This should really be called Step #0, because this is the basic understanding you need to have before you can effectively control your reaction to any negative feelings coming from your wife. I'm not saying that your wife never has or never will make a personal attack on you, which is nearly always out of line, but the majority of the time what you take as a personal attack is really just your wife trying to communicate something uncomfortable to you. Sometimes there's just no good way to say something that needs to be said. You need to understand that, and take her words accordingly. Always assume that she is NOT trying to put you down or make a personal attack on you, but that she is making a legitimate effort to improve your relationship. Step #2 – Be Empathetic With Your Wife Really, I could have switched these first two steps around and been okay, but at this point it doesn't really matter. The important thing is that you understand how critically important it is for you to BE EMPATHETIC with your wife, not just when she's delivering bad news, but all the time. There is no such thing as being too empathetic with your wife. It just doesn't exist. Always try to imagine yourself in her shoes in any given situation, and I can tell you right now that all of those "insurmountable marriage problems" will suddenly seem easier to get through. Step #3 – Take a Deep Breath I know that a lot of what I'm telling you is much easier said than done. When you're in the moment, so to speak, and you can feel that frustration and anger welling up inside of you, it's very difficult to force yourself to (A) not take things personally and (B) be empathetic with your wife. I know that! I'm a guy too, remember? So I want you to make this your automatic reaction anytime you start to feel yourself getting angry, frustrated, upset or otherwise pessimistic… Take a DEEP breath. And if you still feel frustrated? Take another. If you can force yourself to take a precious few moments to calm down and diffuse the situation, conflict resolution will become much easier in your marriage. Step #4 – Think before You Speak This is the last step to successfully navigate your way through the reception of any criticism or negative feelings from your wife. If you have already made it through steps 1, 2 and 3, then step 4 should be pretty easy for you. Both men and women have a tendency to speak without thinking, and it can have dire consequences in your marriage. You need to be very careful to always think about what you're saying BEFORE you say it. It's impossible to take back a mean or hurtful comment once it passes the threshold of your lips. Even if your wife is being venomous to you, still think before you speak back and your conflict will resolve much quicker. By following these four steps, you will find that resolving problems in your marriage is easier and less hurtful than it's ever been before.