How Much Wellness Do You Need Right Now? A Fake Online Quiz

As you may or may not know, this week we will be exploring the idea of 'wellness' on Intent.com. Take this short online quiz to figure out how much wellness you need in your life right now! Choose the answer that best describes your current situation. Take out a pen and paper, allow yourself a deep breath, and remember--no cheating. 1. What best describes the contents of your bookshelf right now? a.) Three bottles of Absolut Vodka and a half-eaten bowl of Lucky Charmsrnb.) How to Win Friends and Influence People, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, the Twilight seriesrnc.) A Nobel Peace Prize 2. What is your idea of pampering yourself? a.) Allowing yourself to cry when the lights are out and no one's homernb.) Reading your favorite self-help books on productivity instead of working on your life dreams rnc.) Fasting for only two weeks instead of the usual five 3. Your best friend seems upset with you, and you aren't sure why. What do you do? a.) Friend?rnb.) Poke her on Facebook. When she doesn't respond to that, post a gift on her wallrnc.) Use this incident as a case study for your upcoming book on resolving conflicts with passive-aggressive people 4.) Which best describes your exercise routine? a.) Eye twitchesrnb.) Textingrnc.) Building orphanages 5.) What are your thoughts on Nadya Suleman, the mother who just gave birth to eight octuplets? a.) You were an unloved only child, too--so you empathizernb.) You threaten to send your kids to her new mansion if they don't start behaving RIGHT THIS MINUTErnc.) You've been away on a year-long silent retreat and you have no idea what this question is about 6.) What do you do when you don't get along with someone at work? a.) Get a new identity in a different state. You hate confrontationrnb.) Get a new job title in a different department. You hate confrontationrnc.) Reincarnate into a more loving, more empathetic being. You have clearly failed in this present life 7.) How often do you recycle? a.) Every other significant otherrnb.) In secrecy, so your eco-friendly neighbors won't see that you still use plastic water bottlesrnc.) On your New Earth, all ego-deprived matter have transcended into One Universal Presence Mostly A's: More than Wellness; In Need of Love, Light and Chocolate First things first: treat yourself to a chocolate tofu pie. Once you're done with that, hire someone with a soft, soothing voice to read to you Brian Vaszily's post "A Short Note For Those Feeling Sad About Anything ", followed by a multiple video viewing of a cute hamster eating organic vegetables . Rinse and repeat for the next 30 days. You may notice that your steps will become lighter, your eyes will sparkle with intention, and your pillow will stop smelling like Vodka-soaked tears of despair. Mostly B's: You're Doing All Right: Some Wellness a Day Will Keep the Ennui Away You may not yet be an owner of your own yoga studio or social movement, but you smile at Starbucks baristas and you sometimes remember to exercise. There is always room for improvement, good citizen, but that shouldn't stop you from loving all your character flaws like a charismatically neurotic Woody Allen character. The bottom line is, have fun, have fun, have fun! There is no point in pursuing wellness if it makes you a humorless prick. Mostly C's: May We Interview You? Greetings, Divine Presence! We have been anxiously awaiting your arrival for many centuries. Please tell us the solution to global warming, terrorism, and passive-aggressive people. We will do anything you ask of us, except for maybe to completely give up mindless eating . That package of low-calorie, microwavable popco from Trader Joe's isn't just going to magically eat itself, you know what I'm saying?