The How-To of Relationship Confidence

Relationship Confidence! It begins by identifying WHAT you want that's missing from your relationship, and then learning how to craft a clear INTENTION that will support you in getting it. Intentions - What Do They Have To Do With Relationships? You may believe that intentions are mostly used for setting goals for your career or increasing the amount of income you produce in your business. Or you might think "intention setting" is just a "new age" idea that isn't grounded in practical reality. After all, aren't relationships supposed to be spontaneous and just "happen?" In fact, the ability to create a clear intention is a fundamental tool for focusing your wishes and desires on what you really want and need in your relationships--and then helping make sure you experience these. Here are some relationship areas where conscious intention can help get you what you want:

You might wish to end a combative relationship with one of your co-workers.

Maybe you want to have less confusion or disagreement in your conversations with your family.

How about having that greater sense of trust and security you long for with someone you love?

You can create an intention to help resolve any relationship issue--no matter how intractable it may appear. The key is to develop an intention about what you want as you move forward. Understanding Intentions Whether you are aware of it or not, you always have an intention each and every time you interact with someone. Most people aren't skilled at clearly defining their intentions, let alone being aware of them moment by moment. But even an unconscious intention, or one that is not clearly stated, is often picked up by others. You've probably experienced this yourself. Have you ever been with someone who was saying one thing to you, but something about their tone and body language was saying something very different? You may not have been able to put your finger on it, but you could tell that something just wasn't quite right. This can happen when someone has an unconscious intention that's different than what they're saying. Their true intention tends to leak through in these subtle ways. When this happens, you may start to feel worried and mistrust what they say. For example, imagine your trying to negotiate a decision with someone, but unde eath this you're worried or tense about their opinion of you or your idea. So your true underlying, unconscious, and unexpressed intention is for safety or protection. When this happens it's easy for the other person to misread these conflicting signals between what they're hearing and your underlying intention, and to end up taking this personally, and possibly as criticism. The effects of these unconscious, unexpressed intentions often speed us along the path toward dissatisfying relationships. So if you are less than satisfied with ANY of your relationships, it's time to create a clear, conscious intention for improving that relationship. Relationship Confidence Tips Relationship Confidence starts with very clearly knowing the qualities you want to experience in a relationship. This is very different than creating a set of relationship goals. Goals define specifics such as: who you would like to do what, when, and how. To use one of our previous examples, your goal may be to have conversations with your family where your experience less confusion and disagreement. Notice that this goal includes who, what, and how. But it doesn't include what you value that motivates your desire for this outcome. (If you want an easy way to identify what you value in a particular relationship that you'd like to improve, you can download a free copy of our: Relationship Values Exercise Once you know which qualities you want to experience more often, you can craft these into your conscious intention for improving the relationship. When crafting your intention of it's important to use positive language. Be sure to avoid statements about what you DON'T want such as, "I don't want my sister to lie to me anymore." Creating Your Conscious Intention Okay, here's an example: "I intend to create a relationship with my siblings that is based on trust and honesty." or "I intend to focus on contribution and consideration in my relationship with my spouse." Notice how these and intentions identify your underlying values: trust, honesty, contribution, and consideration, But they don't include specific actions, when, or how this will be accomplished. Also notice that these intentions only use POSITIVE language. Conscious intentions express the values, or qualities of life you want to experience in the relationship. Since what you focus your attention on grows, we suggest you post your intentions in a few places where you can't help but see them, and spend a few minutes every day reciting them out loud. They are more likely to happen if you practice them with conscious, focused attention every day. "As a man thinks in his heart, so he is" Solomon, Proverbs 20 37 Do They Work or Not? Try out this Relationship Confidence tip for yourself! Choose one or two relationships in your life where you would like to experience more satisfaction. Write down the qualities you want to experience with that person. (Use our Relationship Values Exercise to help.) Remember to begin with the words, "I intend…" or "My intention is..." and don't forget to use positive language and leave out specific strategies. For at least 30 days, make it part of your daily habit to read or say your intentions out loud. Then sit back and watch the step-by-step improvements in your relationships as they begin to change for the better. Before you know it, you will have mastered this How-To of Relationship Confidence!